Subject: Activities

Atrophy: An award given to those who do not exercise.

Sound Sleeper: Someone who snores.

But, as my mother used to tell me, two wrongs don't make a right… but I soon figured out that three left turns do.

(1943 – ) U.S. agriculture commissioner, columnist, activist & author

The man has not been born for whom I will iron a shirt.

(1939 – ) English actress

I spent twelve years training for a career that was over in a week; Joe Namath spent one week training for a career that lasted twelve years.

(1949 – ) American Olympic athlete

I never drink coffee at lunch, I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon.

(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian

The customer is always ripe.

Fishing License: Permit issued upon payment of a modest fee that allows fishermen to lose lures in a specified area.

I don't jog; if I die I want to be sick.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

There are plenty of good five cent cigars in the country… the trouble is they cost a quarter.

(1881 – 1960) American columnist

I’ve decided to sell my Hoover… well, it was just collecting dust.

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian

The boomarang is Australia’s chief export (and then import.)

(1973 – ) American comedian

Nature abhors a vacuum… and so do I.

American cartoonist & greeting card illustrator

Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

Jamaican Air – Every flight is the red-eye!

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

The best accessory a girl can have is her best friend.

(1981 – ) heiress, socialite, media personality & model

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won’t get much sleep.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

The fewer rules a coach has, the fewer rules there are for players to break.

(1936 – ) American football coach & television announcer

Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people “the cops.”

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
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