Subject: Activities

A mediocre player will sink to the level of his or her opposition.

You might be a redneck if… the Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

Limit: Maximum number of a particular fish that an angler can take in a day. This number varies from place to place and species to species, but it is a largely theoretical restriction with little practical application.

Exercise! … I never heard that he used any: he might, for aught I know, walk to the alehouse; but I believe he was always carried home again.

(1709 – 1784) English author, essayist, critic, editor & lexicographer

One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

There is no traffic until you need to make a left turn.

We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist

Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time; the man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)

Fishing relaxes me. It’s like yoga, except I still get to kill something.

(1970 – ) American actor, writer & carpenter

My second favorite household chore is ironing, my first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist

My friend has difficulty sleeping, but I can do it with my eyes closed.

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer

But, as my mother used to tell me, two wrongs don't make a right… but I soon figured out that three left turns do.

(1943 – ) U.S. agriculture commissioner, columnist, activist & author

The only exercise I get is walking behind the coffins of friends who took exercise.

(1932 – 2013) Irish stage & film actor

You don’t get spoiled if you do your own ironing.

(1949 – ) American actress

I'm not addicted to cocaine… I just like the way it smells.

(1940 – 2005) comedian & movie actor

Vacation: Two weeks on the sunny sands – and the rest of the year on the financial rocks.

(1920 – 2001) American writer & humorist

People always come up to me and say that my smoking is bothering them… well, it's killing me!

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian

I don’t room with him [Babe Ruth]; I room with his suitcase.

professional baseball player

Bowling Alley: A quiet place of amusement where you can hear a pin drop.