Subject: Activities

Anybody who plays the stock market not as an insider is like a man buying cows in the moonlight.

(1797 – 1879) American businessman & speculator

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

I was having difficulty deciding if I wanted to purchase this bed I was looking at, so the salesman told me… sleep on it.

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer

Too much of a good thing can be taxing.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

I bet on a horse at ten-to-one; it didn't come in until half-past five.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian

I am a marvelous housekeeper; every time I leave a man I keep his house.

(1917 – ) Hungarian-born American actress

Snake eyes is a gambling term… and an animal term, too.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

Pushing fifty is exercise enough

I ain't in no mood to play 120 questions.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

The only cultural advantage L.A. has over New York is that you can make a right turn on a red light.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

And he’s lost both right front tires.

(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer

The vehicle in front of you is traveling slower than you are.

I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle… it wasn’t mine.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

Have you ever thought about registering as a sex offender just so your friends won’t bring their kids over to your house?

(1967 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor

My idea of gambling was walking through Central Park, whistling show tunes.

(1939 – ) American actor, dancer, singer, producer & choreographer

Family reunions are when relatives gather from all over to be reminded why they scattered in the first place.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist

Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead.

(1959 – ) Australian writer & television producer

You ever go shopping for a really cute, little, sexy black dress – and you come home with an extra-large pepperoni pizza?

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