Subject: Activities

Whatever carrousel you stand by, your baggage will come in on another one.

I ask myself questions in those stores I don't ask myself anywhere else, like, 'Will I live long enough to use all those paper towels?'

American comedian & musician

So little time and so little to do.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor

The one who snores will fall asleep first.

I went to a gym; they offered me free membership for life if I posed for a 'don't let this happen to you' poster.

(1953 – ) American comedian & actor

They could have just had a massive pile of burning tires and more people would have turned up.

(1976 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor

Crystal meth's a good drug if you need to walk to St. Louis one weekend.

(1967 – ) American comedian, actor, radio personality & author

They don't mind after they find out they don't have to study for it.

American football coach

To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

The difficulty of finding any given trail marker is directly proportional to the importance of the consequences of failing to find it.

Housekeeping ain't no joke.

(1832 – 1888) novelist

Fishing relaxes me. It’s like yoga, except I still get to kill something.

(1970 – ) American actor, writer & carpenter

During the summer I like to go to the beach and make sand castles out of cement, and wait for kids to run by and try to kick them over.

comedian & actor

Pushing fifty is exercise enough


How to be a Drug Dealer

The other day, I was walking my dog around my building… on the ledge.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

There is only one thing for a man to do who is married to a woman who enjoys spending money, and that is to enjoy earning it.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor

Driving a Porsche in London is like bringing a Ming vase to a football game.

(1952 – 2001) English writer, dramatist, & musician

Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

It's pretty much a bunch of people who don't live in a trailer park, yet like to vacation there.

comedian

Man is the only animal that plays poker.

(1889 – 1966) American humorist, writer, illustrator & cartoonist













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