Subject: Activities » Drugs

They don't mind after they find out they don't have to study for it.

American football coach

Because of acid, I now know that butter is way better than margarine.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

When you’re high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it’s not worth the fucking effort.

(1961 – 1994) comedian

Follow seven beers with a couple of Scotches and a thimble of good marijuana, and it's funny how sleep just sort of comes on its own.

(1921 – 2001) Welsh comedian & singer

If you've never seen an elephant ski, then you've never been on acid.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor

President Bush wants to spend $7 billion this year to fight the drug dealers in Colombia… but they only earn $3 billion a year; so why don't we pay them $4 billion a year not to grow the cocaine?

American comedian & writer

Jim: Yeah, I did some drugs, though probably not as many as you think. How many drugs do you think I did?

Elaine Nardo: A lot.

Jim: Wow! Right on the nose!

(1938 – ) American actor

Drugs have taught an entire generation of Americans the metric system.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist

Let me ask you… would crack be so bad, and would people think so harshly of crack, if it were called 'crackle'?

(1968 – ) American actor & comedian

I’m addicted to placebos; I’d give them up, but it wouldn’t make any difference.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

I love my Fed-Ex guy cause he's a drug dealer and he doesn't even know it…and he's always on time.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

My friend died doing what he loved… heroin.

Canadian-American comedian, writer & columnist

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it’s the scenic route.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Follow seven beers with a couple of scotches and a thimble of good marijuana, and it's funny how sleep just sort of comes on its own.

(1921 – 2001) Welsh comedian & singer

Let crack and heroin be manufactured by the pharmaceutical companies, that way nobody can afford them.

American comedian & writer

You might be a redneck if… you see a sign that says "Say No To Crack" and it reminds you to pull your jeans up.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

Crystal meth's a good drug if you need to walk to St. Louis one weekend.

(1967 – ) American comedian, actor, radio personality & author

Study: Ecstasy Causes Brain Damage

I was troubled by the presence of a shoe museum because it forced me to ask a very burning question: would my body be able to physically survive the amount of dope I would need to smoke in order to visit a shoe museum?

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor

So drug dealers don’t find it funny when you ask for a receipt?

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian

I used to do drugs; I still do, but I used to, too.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian













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