Subject: Activities » Drugs

I don't need drugs anymore, thank God; I can get the same effect just by standing up real fast.

(1946 – ) American comedian, actor & voice actor

Follow seven beers with a couple of Scotches and a thimble of good marijuana, and it's funny how sleep just sort of comes on its own.

(1921 – 2001) Welsh comedian & singer

I hate people who think it's clever to take drugs… like custom officers.

(1961 – ) English standup comedian, actor & writer

Cocaine isn’t habit forming; I should know, I’ve been taking it for years.

(1903 – 1968) movie actress

I’m addicted to placebos; I’d give them up, but it wouldn’t make any difference.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

It was an arranged marriage, put together by drugs and alcohol.

American comedian & television host

Drugs have taught an entire generation of Americans the metric system.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist

I didn’t intend for this to take on a political tone; I’m just here for the drugs.

(1921 – ) former First Lady of the United States & actress

When I was on acid, I’d see things like beams of light and I’d hear sounds that sounded an awful lot like car horns.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

If you've never seen an elephant ski, then you've never been on acid.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor

Sometimes I'm so bored at a party, I'll slip myself a roofie.

comedian & author

There’s no such thing as addiction, there’s only things that you enjoy doing more than life.

(1967 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor

Jim: Yeah, I did some drugs, though probably not as many as you think. How many drugs do you think I did?

Elaine Nardo: A lot.

Jim: Wow! Right on the nose!

(1938 – ) American actor

t school, Applied Math was all about working out grams and dollars… we called it Crystal Math.


If God dropped acid, would he see people?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Fame was like a drug, but what was even more like a drug were the drugs.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

When I was in college, we did mushrooms and acid… and did I mention acid?

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator

It was actually easier for me to become a vegetarian – you know, quitting meat – because your friends never show up at your house with a sack of meat.

(1966 – ) American actor, musician & comedian

I love my Fed-Ex guy cause he's a drug dealer and he doesn't even know it…and he's always on time.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

All the years this guy did drugs, no one could have slipped him some calcium?


I tried cocaine to lose weight… it just made me eat faster.

(1953 – ) American comedian & actor

The Literacy Site