Subject: Activities » Exercise

I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Boxing is a great exercise… as long as you can yell 'cut' whenever you want to.

(1946 – ) American actor

Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.

(1907 – 1988) science fiction author

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

Jogging is for people who aren’t intelligent enough to watch television.

(1953 – ) British comedian, actress, singer & screenwriter

I try to keep fit; I’ve got these parallel bars at home… I run at them and try to buy a drink from both of them.

(1954 – ) English comedian writer

The word ‘aerobics’ came about when the gym instructors got together and said: if we’re going to charge $10 an hour, we can’t call it “jumping up and down.”

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

The only exercise I get is walking behind the coffins of friends who took exercise.

(1932 – 2013) Irish stage & film actor

I get my exercise from acting as a pallbearer to my friends who exercise.

(1834 – 1928) American attorney for Cornelius Vanderbilt

I like being married for two reasons: 1) I got really tired of dating, and 2) I got really tired of exercising.

(1959 – ) American stand-up comedian

Whenever I feel the need for exercise I go and lie down for half an hour until the feeling passes.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

I go running when I have to – like when the ice cream truck is going 60, or I need a lift to the bakery.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian

I'm not into working out; my philosophy: No pain, no pain.

comedian, writer, actor & producer

I ran three miles today… finally I said, ‘Lady take your ‘purse.'

(1956 – ) American comedian

They say the best exercise takes place in the bedroom; I believe it, because that's where I get the most resistance.


Exercise is a dirty word; every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

(1922  – 2000) American cartoonist (Peanuts)

Exercise freaks… are the ones putting stress on the health care system.

(1951 – ) American conservative radio talk-show host

No matter what I do, I cannot lose this 18 pounds… I mean I have tried everything short of diet and exercise.

American stand-up comedian

I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg… I thought: ‘This could be interesting.’


Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising… it was the only exercise I got.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Thirty ways to shape up for summer — number one: eat less; number two: exercise more; number three… What was I talking about? … I’m so hungry right now.

(1970 – ) American stand-up comedian & voice actor

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