Subject: Activities » Games

Bridge: A game which gives women something to try to think about while they are talking.

Sex is like a game of bridge… if you don't have a good partner, you need a good hand.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

Scrabble was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor

One way to get a real kick out of bridge is to sit opposite your wife.

I was playing chess with my friend and he said ‘Let’s make this more interesting’ … so we stopped playing chess.

(1980 – ) British comedian

Checkers taught me that a King is a man with another man on top of him, but life taught me that that's actually called a Queen.

(1973 – ) American comedian

If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.

(1973 – ) American comedian

Roulette: A wheel that seldom takes a turn for the bettor.

My roommate said to me, 'I'm gonna go shave and use the shower; does anyone need to use the bathroom?' … it's like some weird ass quiz where he reveals the answer first.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

Life is like a game of poker: If you don’t put any in the pot, there won’t be any to take out.

(1894 – 1975) American comedian

All bridge hands are equally likely, but some are more equally likely than others.

A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.

Children are the most desirable opponents at Scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

I think Foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

Bridge: A game in which a wife is always eager to do her husband’s bidding.

One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

Life’s too short for chess.

(1834 - 1884) - American born British dramatist & actor

Life is the only game in which the object of the game is to learn the rules.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist

I knew my parents hated me because my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Snake eyes is a gambling term… and an animal term, too.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
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