Subject: Activities » Games

Here we have a game that combines the charm of a Pentagon briefing with the excitement of double – entry bookkeeping.

internet columnist

Look around the table; if you don’t see a sucker, get up, because you’re the sucker.

Scrabble was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor

Bridge: A game in which a wife is always eager to do her husband’s bidding.

Sex is like a game of bridge… if you don't have a good partner, you need a good hand.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

Life is like a game of poker: If you don’t put any in the pot, there won’t be any to take out.

(1894 – 1975) American comedian

Children are the most desirable opponents at Scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

Bridge: A game which gives women something to try to think about while they are talking.

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Please don’t ask me what the score is, I’m not even sure what the game is.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist

If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.

(1973 – ) American comedian

Childish Games: Those at which your wife beats you.

The boomarang is Australia’s chief export (and then import.)

(1973 – ) American comedian

I was playing chess with my friend and he said ‘Let’s make this more interesting’ … so we stopped playing chess.

(1980 – ) British comedian

I sold my memoirs of my love life to Parker Brothers – they’re going to make a game out of it.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

I’d like to play a video game where you help the people who were shot in all the other games; it’d be called ‘Really Busy Hospital.’

(1973 – ) American comedian

Sucker: Is this a game of chance?

Fields: Not the way I play it, no.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Trust everybody, but cut the cards.

(1867 – 1936) author & humorist

Checkers taught me that a King is a man with another man on top of him, but life taught me that that's actually called a Queen.

(1973 – ) American comedian

One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

One way to get a real kick out of bridge is to sit opposite your wife.

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