Subject: Activities » Games

My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

One way to get a real kick out of bridge is to sit opposite your wife.

My roommate said to me, 'I'm gonna go shave and use the shower; does anyone need to use the bathroom?' … it's like some weird ass quiz where he reveals the answer first.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

Life’s too short for chess.

(1834 - 1884) - American born British dramatist & actor

Sucker: Is this a game of chance?

Fields: Not the way I play it, no.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

[Poker] as elaborate a waste of human intelligence as you could find outside an advertising agency.

(1888 – 1959) detective novelist & screenwriter

The most powerful force in the world is that of a disc straining to land under a car, just beyond reach.

Bridge is the only game that bruises more shins than hockey.

The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Bridge: A game in which a wife is always eager to do her husband’s bidding.

The boomarang is Australia’s chief export (and then import.)

(1973 – ) American comedian

When in doubt, take the trick.

Checkers taught me that a King is a man with another man on top of him, but life taught me that that's actually called a Queen.

(1973 – ) American comedian

Snake eyes is a gambling term… and an animal term, too.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably something his wife can beat him at.

I’d like to play a video game where you help the people who were shot in all the other games; it’d be called ‘Really Busy Hospital.’

(1973 – ) American comedian

Roulette: A wheel that seldom takes a turn for the bettor.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

(1973 – ) American comedian

One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

I think Foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

Hot Potato is a very different game when the people playing are starving.

(1973 – ) American comedian

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