Subject: Activities (Page 39)

If you want to catch more fish, use more hooks.

(1918 – 1990) football coach
Activities

My nightmares have coming attractions.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Activities Sleep

My grandfather was killed at Custer’s last stand… he was camping in the next field and went over to complain about the noise.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist
Activities

A man seldom knows what he can do until he tries to undo what he did.

(1881 – 1973) Spanish painter, sculptor, printmaker & stage designer
Activities

There are only two categories in cliff diving; there's 'Grand Champion' and 'Stuff on a Rock.'

(1963 – ) Canadian writer, actor & stand-up comedian
Activities Sports

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Characteristics Driving Situations

Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Activities Housework

Without drugs, I would have never got my job… selling drugs.


Activities Drugs Occupations Work

I sleep eight hours a day and at least ten at night.

(1961 – 1994) comedian
Activities Sleep

I went to the store and bought eight apples; the clerk said, “Do you want these in a bag?” I said, “Oh, no, man, I juggle.”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities Situations

No one needs a vacation so much as the person who has just had one.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Activities

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.

(1917 – 1993) British composer & novelist
Emotions Happiness Laughter Situations Sleep

I was troubled by the presence of a shoe museum because it forced me to ask a very burning question: would my body be able to physically survive the amount of dope I would need to smoke in order to visit a shoe museum?

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Drugs Situations

I used to live with five straight guys and – ew, the cleaning schedule was 'nope.'

comedian
Housework Men People

Snoring: Sheet music.

Definitions Sleep Wordplay

Pushing fifty is exercise enough


Activities Age Exercise Wordplay

The urge to gamble is so universal and its practice is so pleasurable, that I assume it must be evil.

(1918 – 2001) American sportswriter, commentator & actor
Activities

Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Housework Women Work

I love blackjack… but I'm not addicted to gambling… I'm addicted to sitting in a semicircle.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities

Fishing License: Permit issued upon payment of a modest fee that allows fishermen to lose lures in a specified area.

Activities Definitions

Sleep… the most beautiful experience in life – except drink.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink Situations Sleep