Subject: Activities (Page 4)

Presidents don’t do it to their wives; they do it to their country.

(1926 – ) film director, screenwriter, composer, comedian, actor & producer

I love blackjack… but I'm not addicted to gambling… I'm addicted to sitting in a semicircle.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

The gifts you buy your wife are never as appropriate as the gifts your neighbor buys his wife.

Most people are so lazy, they don't even exercise good judgement!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

In life your dreams may not come true, but sooner or later one of your nightmares will.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor

The fantasy of every Australian man is to have two women – one cleaning and the other dusting.

Australian comedian & actress

He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian

Shopping is probably the most underrated contact sport in the world.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist

Men can say things in stores women can't believe like, "but I already have a pair of black pants.”

(1952 – ) comedian

Me and my dad used to play tag, he’d drive!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Smoking is a dying habit.

(1948 – ) British politician

I sold my memoirs of my love life to Parker Brothers – they’re going to make a game out of it.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Sleep is death without the responsibility.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

Lying in bed would be an altogether perfect and supreme experience if only one had a colored pencil long enough to draw on the ceiling.

(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist

The most used appliance in our house is my 10-year-old son Leon's Xbox.

(1957 – ) American comedian, actor & writer

Basic research is what I am doing when I don't know what I am doing.

(1912 – 1977) German-born rocket engineer

Underwater Swimmer: One who practices submersive activitites.

If you can’t sleep, count sheep. Don’t count endangered animals. You will run out.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book.

I was troubled by the presence of a shoe museum because it forced me to ask a very burning question: would my body be able to physically survive the amount of dope I would need to smoke in order to visit a shoe museum?

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor

… what is your host’s purpose in having a party; surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose they’d have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist