Subject: Activities (Page 4)

The net weight of your boots is proportional to the cube of the number of hours you have been on the trail.

Ability is the art of getting credit for all the home runs somebody else hits.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager

When there is a very long road upon which there is a one-way bridge placed at random, and there are only two cars on that road, it follows that: (1) the two cars are going in opposite directions, and (2) they will always meet at the bridge.

The race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the strong – but that’s the way to bet.

Grocery list: What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

People don't know this but I helped the Cardinals win the pennant; I came down with hepatitis… the trainer injected me with it.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet

Reality is just a crutch for people who can’t cope with drugs.

(1939 – ) comedian, actress, writer & producer

Scrabble was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor

Man is the only animal that plays poker.

(1889 – 1966) American humorist, writer, illustrator & cartoonist

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.

(1917 – 1993) British composer & novelist

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

Limit: Maximum number of a particular fish that an angler can take in a day. This number varies from place to place and species to species, but it is a largely theoretical restriction with little practical application.

A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.

Most people are so lazy, they don't even exercise good judgement!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

I think, in 10 years, hell's gonna be the only place left where you can still smoke.

(1965 – ) American comedian

I was once arrested for walking in someone else’s sleep.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Sometimes I fall asleep at night with my clothes on; I’m going to have all my clothes made out of blankets.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

My mother was so house proud that when my father got up to sleepwalk she had the bed made by the time he got back.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I’m hot under the collar.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

It's pretty much a bunch of people who don't live in a trailer park, yet like to vacation there.

comedian