Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Activities
(Page 4)
The net weight of your boots is proportional to the cube of the number of hours you have been on the trail.
Barber's Seventh Law of Backpacking
Activities
Murphy’s Laws
Backpacking
Hiking
Ability is the art of getting credit for all the home runs somebody else hits.
Casey Stengel
(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Activities
Baseball
Characteristics
Sports
Ability
Home runs
When there is a very long road upon which there is a one-way bridge placed at random, and there are only two cars on that road, it follows that: (1) the two cars are going in opposite directions, and (2) they will always meet at the bridge.
Murphy's Law of the Open Road
Activities
Autos
Driving
Murphy’s Laws
Travel
The race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the strong – but that’s the way to bet.
Runyon's Second Law
Activities
Murphy’s Laws
Sports
Betting
Speed
Strength
Grocery list: What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.
Anonymous
Activities
Definitions
Shopping
Grocery list
People don't know this but I helped the Cardinals win the pennant; I came down with hepatitis… the trainer injected me with it.
Bob Uecker
(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Activities
Baseball
Health
Sports
Hepatitis
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open.
Ogden Nash
(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Activities
Husbands
Marriage
Relationships
Sleep
Things
Wives
Window
Reality is just a crutch for people who can’t cope with drugs.
Lily Tomlin
(1939 – ) comedian, actress, writer & producer
Activities
Drugs
Reality
Scrabble was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia.
Eddie Izzard
(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Activities
Games
Scrabble
Man is the only animal that plays poker.
Don Herold
(1889 – 1966) American humorist, writer, illustrator & cartoonist
Activities
Animals
People
Poker
Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.
Anthony Burgess
(1917 – 1993) British composer & novelist
Emotions
Happiness
Laughter
Situations
Sleep
Snoring
Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.
Steve Martin
(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Activities
Communication
Dance
Entertainment
Music
Speech
Architecture
Limit: Maximum number of a particular fish that an angler can take in a day. This number varies from place to place and species to species, but it is a largely theoretical restriction with little practical application.
Anonymous
Activities
Definitions
Fishing
Limit
A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.
Canada Bill Jones's Supplement
Arms
Games
Murphy’s Laws
Things
Gambling
Most people are so lazy, they don't even exercise good judgement!
Alfred E. Neuman
fictional mascot and cover boy of
Mad
, an American humor magazine
Characteristics
Exercise
Work
Judgement
Laziness
I think, in 10 years, hell's gonna be the only place left where you can still smoke.
Kathleen Madigan
(1965 – ) American comedian
Activities
Future
Places
Time
Hell
Smoking
I was once arrested for walking in someone else’s sleep.
Steven Wright
(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Situations
Sleep
Sometimes I fall asleep at night with my clothes on; I’m going to have all my clothes made out of blankets.
Mitch Hedberg
(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance
Clothing
Situations
Sleep
Blankets
My mother was so house proud that when my father got up to sleepwalk she had the bed made by the time he got back.
Charles 'Chic' Murray
(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Family
Housework
Mothers
Sleepwalking
You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I’m hot under the collar.
Groucho Marx
(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Activities
TV/Movie Quotes
In “Monkey Business”
Parties
It's pretty much a bunch of people who don't live in a trailer park, yet like to vacation there.
Andi Smith
comedian
Activities
People
Campgrounds
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