Subject: Activities (Page 40)

The difficulty of finding any given trail marker is directly proportional to the importance of the consequences of failing to find it.

Activities Murphy’s Laws

If your wife wants to learn to drive, don’t stand in her way.

(1911 – 1980) humorist, writer, television host & journalist
Autos Driving Marriage Wives

What do gardeners do when they retire?

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
Activities

Rummage Sale: Where you buy stuff from somebody else’s attic to store in your own.

Activities Definitions Shopping Things

The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Activities Games Money

Snake eyes is a gambling term… and an animal term, too.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities Animals Games

The way I see it… If you need both of your hands for whatever it is you’re doing, then your brain should probably be in on it too.

(1958 – ) comedian, actress & television host
Autos Driving Intelligence Things

I do clean up a little if company is coming; I'll wipe the lipstick off the milk container.

(1952 – ) comedian
Activities Housework

Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a cow pasture.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Activities Golf Sports

I dreamt I was forced to eat 25lb of marshmallows; when I woke up, my pillow was missing.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Situations Sleep

Some people talk in their sleep; lecturers talk while other people sleep.

(1913 – 1960) French-Algerian author, philosopher & journalist
Communication Situations Sleep Speech

Exercise is a dirty word; every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

(1922  – 2000) American cartoonist (Peanuts)
Activities Exercise

My wife wants sex in the back of the car… and she wants me to drive.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Driving Sex

Pushing fifty is exercise enough


Activities Age Exercise Wordplay

The local density of mosquitos is inversely proportional to your remaining repellent.

Activities Murphy’s Laws

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch on fire or block the refrigerator door, let it be; no one cares, why should you?

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Activities Housework

Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time; the man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Activities Definitions

Sleep is death without the responsibility.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Activities Sleep

I don’t understand the whole concept of a massage; you get a woman to rub all over every single part of your body except the one part you really want rubbed on.

(1968 – ) American comedian, actor & country music artist
Activities Sex

I didn’t intend for this to take on a political tone; I’m just here for the drugs.

(1921 – ) former First Lady of the United States & actress
Drugs Misspokements

Exercise: The joy of flex.

Activities Definitions Exercise