Subject: Activities (Page 5)

I did think about adopting… an 18-year-old girl from Thailand, whose hobbies include vacuuming and some light dusting.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Girls Housework People Relationships

I was in Connecticut recently… doing white people stuff.

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
Activities People

The distance to the gate from which your flight departs is inversely proportional to the time remaining before the scheduled departure of the flight.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Time Travel

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Activities Communication Dance Entertainment Music Speech

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people: the good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Characteristics Situations Sleep

You might be a redneck if… you've ever bought lingerie at a yard sale.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Clothing People Rednecks Shopping

Whenever I go to shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving, so I say, "I'm gonna go shave, too."

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities

I gotta quit smoking, doctor’s orders… and the drinking, court orders.

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Activities

If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much – just an occasional sun visor.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Appearance Clothing Men People Shopping Women

I hate traveling, I guess ’cause my dad used to beat me with a globe.

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Activities Conflict Family Fathers Travel

If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Activities Girls People School Sex

A kind heart is of little value in chess.

Activities Murphy’s Laws

At first the kid kicking the back of my airplane seat was enraging; then I imagined it was a broken massage chair and I kinda liked it; that’s why there’s graffiti and babies.

(1978 – ) American actress, writer & comedian
Activities Travel

You know you're too high when you're eating cereal naked and your girlfriend says, 'Put your clothes on,' and then you realize it's not your girlfriend, it's some woman on a bus.

American comedian & actor
Activities Drugs Situations

In order to live off a garden, you practically have to live in it.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Activities

Fishing: A jerk at one end of the line waiting for a jerk at the other end.

Activities Definitions

I'm often asked why I travel around the country talking politics: Is it for humanitarian reasons, community spirit, or is it for the money, the limousines or the girls? … The answers are: no, no, yes yes yes!

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign
Activities Government Politics Travel

I'm busier than a stump full of ants.

Activities Situations

Without drugs, I would have never got my job… selling drugs.


Activities Drugs Occupations Work

Virginia has already spent more on plugging Shawn Moore for the Heisman Trophy than Thomas Jefferson spent getting elected president.

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator
Activities Football Government Money Sports

I don’t room with him [Babe Ruth]; I room with his suitcase.

professional baseball player
Activities Baseball Misspokements Sports