Subject: Activities (Page 5)

I still feel 30, except when I try to run.

(1929 – ) American comedian & comic actor

At 19 miles, when most runners run out of steam and you hit what they call ‘the wall,’ is the exact moment you cross into the South Bronx; so here, they combine running and fleeing.

(1959 – ) American comedian, comedy writer, actor & author

The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, – meaning “ability to,” and bics, – meaning “withstand tremendous boredom.”

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

Sound Sleeper: Someone who snores.

The transatlantic crossing was so rough the only thing that I could keep on my stomach was the first mate.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

My friend told me the other day '”I won’t be able to get to sleep tonight;” I replied with one word 'Chloroform.’

Too much of a good thing can be taxing.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

Marijuana should be licensed and kept out of the hands of teenagers; it's too good for them.

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign

Cab drivers are living proof that practice does not make perfect.

Atrophy: An award given to those who do not exercise.

Jogging is for people who aren’t intelligent enough to watch television.

(1953 – ) British comedian, actress, singer & screenwriter

I used to think about Cindy Crawford; now, I think about leaving dishes in the sink overnight without a war breaking out.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality

Bridge: A game in which a wife is always eager to do her husband’s bidding.

You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

I used to live with five straight guys and – ew, the cleaning schedule was 'nope.'


Kids… I like kids, but I couldn’t eat a whole one.

My cousin is gay; in school while other kids were dissecting frogs, he was opening flies.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist

The man has not been born for whom I will iron a shirt.

(1939 – ) English actress

Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman… it's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

Ability is the art of getting credit for all the home runs somebody else hits.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager

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