Subject: Activities (Page 7)

One of my friends went on a murder weekend… now he is doing life for it.

(1961 – ) English standup comedian, actor & writer
Activities Crime

I can’t exercise for long; when I get back from a run my girlfriend usually asks if I’ve forgotten something.

comedian
Activities

If you go to Bed Bath & Beyond without a coupon, people will wonder if you’re OK.

(1964 – 2014) American actor, Broadway performer & stand-up comedian
Activities Shopping

I hate flossing, I wish I just had one long curvy tooth; they didn’t have to make separations for me.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities

I like American women; they do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing… like showering.

(1951 – ) Soviet-American comedian
Activities Places Sex

There’s no future in time travel.

Activities Future Past Time Travel

The faster the plane, the narrower the seats.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Travel

I hate when my foot falls asleep during the day because I know it will be up all night.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Situations Sleep

A necessary item goes on sale only after you have purchased it at the regular price.

Murphy’s Laws Shopping Things

There ain’t no way to find out why a snorer can’t hear himself snore.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Activities Sleep

Some people talk in their sleep; lecturers talk while other people sleep.

(1913 – 1960) French-Algerian author, philosopher & journalist
Communication Situations Sleep Speech

One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Activities Characteristics Games Honesty

When you arrive at your chosen campsite, it is full.

Activities Murphy’s Laws

Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Activities Housework

Drugs have taught an entire generation of Americans the metric system.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Activities America Drugs Education People

First of all, if you are gambling and you've gotta get change for a nickel – it's over.

comedian
Activities Money

The best accessory a girl can have is her best friend.

(1981 – ) heiress, socialite, media personality & model
Appearance Friends Travel

Presidents don’t do it to their wives; they do it to their country.

(1926 – ) film director, screenwriter, composer, comedian, actor & producer
Activities Government President Sex Wives

What, I’m gonna work all year so I can go out and pretend I’m homeless?

Activities

I hate when people drive like me.

(1966 – 2011) American stand-up comedian
Autos Driving Situations Things

Sometimes the road is less traveled for a reason.

Activities Proverbs Travel