Subject: Activities » Shopping

You ever go shopping for a really cute, little, sexy black dress – and you come home with an extra-large pepperoni pizza?


Suzanne: I never use catalogs. I’d rather go in the store and see all the salespeople groveling and sucking up to you.

Julia: Pardon me, I never knew they were so solicitous at the K-Mart.

(1939 – 2010) American actress

Ever notice that Soup For One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?

(1952 – ) comedian

I buy a dress because I need change for gum.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

Bargain: anything a customer thinks a store is losing money on.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist

How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist

Bargain: Something you can’t use, at a price you can’t resist.

Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at bowling alleys.

American comedian

If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much – just an occasional sun visor.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Consumer: One who delights advertisers by acquiring unnecessary products.

If an item is advertised as "under $50," you can bet it's not $19.95.

People who say that money can't buy happiness just don't know where to shop.

(1958 – ) Australian author

The label "NEW" and/or "IMPROVED" means the price went up.

Our culture teaches us to buy things we don't need, with money we don't have, to impress people we don't like.

(1946 – 2007) American entrepreneur

The one you want is never the one on sale.

My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

You might be a redneck if… the Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

Futon World – a wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time.

(1973 – ) American comedian

He hasn’t an enemy in the world – but all his friends hate him.

(1892 – 1964) singer, dancer, comedian, actor & songwriter

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where to go shopping.


I went to a general store, but they wouldn’t let me buy anything specific.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer













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