Subject: Activities » Shopping

The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.

Futon World – a wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time.

(1973 – ) American comedian

The "Consumer Report" on the item will come out a week after you've made your purchase.
Corollaries: 1. The one you bought will be rated "unacceptable". 2. The one you almost bought will be rated "best buy.”

The customer is always ripe.

I take him shopping with me… I say, 'OK, Jesus, help me find a bargain.'

(1942 – 2007) American televangelist (was married to Jim Bakker)

Anything labeled "NEW" and/or "IMPROVED" isn't.

The gifts you buy your wife are never as appropriate as the gifts your neighbor buys his wife.

If you don't write to complain, you'll never receive your order. If you do write, you'll receive the merchandise before your angry letter reaches its destination.

I love Mexico because it’s a giant dollar store.

(1965 – ) American comedian

Rummage Sale: Where you buy stuff from somebody else’s attic to store in your own.

You ever go shopping for a really cute, little, sexy black dress – and you come home with an extra-large pepperoni pizza?

Shopping is probably the most underrated contact sport in the world.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist

I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2×4 and a box of 3×5′s and the clerk said, “ten-four.”

The label "NEW" and/or "IMPROVED" means the price went up.

It’s easy to tell when you’ve got a bargain – it doesn’t fit.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

I buy a dress because I need change for gum.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

People will buy anything that's one to a customer.

Three o’clock in the morning, you can get truck tires, falafel and a bag of heroin – in the same store.

(1968 – ) American stand-up comedian, radio personality, author & actor

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Bargain Hunter: One who is often led astray by false profits.

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