Subject: Activities » Sleep

My nightmares have coming attractions.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" and I said, "No, I made a few mistakes."

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.

(1917 – 1993) British composer & novelist

For [my husband], getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

Ironic how you can’t get kids out of their beds in the morning but you can’t get them into their beds at night.

(1958 – ) Australian author

Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell, and advertise.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer

I hate when my foot falls asleep during the day because I know it will be up all night.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

Sound Sleeper: Someone who snores.

The one who snores will fall asleep first.

I never drink coffee at lunch, I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon.

(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor

No human being believes that any other human being has a right to be in bed when he himself is up.

(1879 – 1949) Irish writer

I don’t know if you’ve ever fallen asleep whilst eating a plate of cauliflower, and then woken up, and thought you were in the clouds.

(1964 – ) English comedian

I grew up in a very large family in a very small house; I never slept alone until after I was married.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist

He slept more than any other president… Nero fiddled, but Coolidge only snored.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

I have no sex appeal; if my husband didn’t toss and turn, we’d never have had the kid.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

I bought a new pair of pajamas with pockets, which is great, cause now i don’t have to hold things when I sleep.

(1973 – ) American comedian

Some people talk in their sleep; lecturers talk while other people sleep.

(1913 – 1960) French-Algerian author, philosopher & journalist

You know you are getting older when “Happy Hour” is a nap.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.

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