Subject: Activities » Sleep

I was having difficulty deciding if I wanted to purchase this bed I was looking at, so the salesman told me… sleep on it.

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer

I asked my wife, “last night, were you faking it?” She said, “No, I was really sleeping.”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Excuse me, my leg has gone to sleep; do you mind if I join it?

(1887 – 1943) theater critic & commentator

Life is something that happens when you can’t get to sleep.

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people: the good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

For sincere advice and the correct time, call any number at random at 3:00 a.m.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words ‘we need to talk about our relationship’ may help.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

The amount of sleep needed by the average person is five minutes more.


I grew up in a very large family in a very small house; I never slept alone until after I was married.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist

Some people talk in their sleep; lecturers talk while other people sleep.

(1913 – 1960) French-Algerian author, philosopher & journalist

I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good book… or a friend who’s read one.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won’t get much sleep.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

I sleep eight hours a day and at least ten at night.

(1961 – 1994) comedian

You know you are getting older when “Happy Hour” is a nap.

It's like, I hate getting up in the morning, unless it's over and over and over and over again… then I'm good.

American comedian & musician

You can’t wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.

There never was a child so lovely, but his mother was glad to get him asleep.

(1803 – 1882) essayist, poet, & philosopher

Never go to bed mad… stay up and fight.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

The best tip for insomnia for me is not trying to sleep.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor

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