Subject: Activities » Sleep

My friend has difficulty sleeping, but I can do it with my eyes closed.

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer

I’ll never die in my sleep… I don’t sleep that well.

(1889 – 1966) American humorist, writer, illustrator & cartoonist

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people: the good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

I certainly do not drink all the time, I have to sleep you know.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell, and advertise.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer

Insomnia: The inability to sleep even when it’s time to get up.

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad; the good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

The difference between light and hard is that you can sleep with a light on.

You know you are getting older when “Happy Hour” is a nap.

I asked my wife, “last night, were you faking it?” She said, “No, I was really sleeping.”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

I dreamt I was forced to eat 25lb of marshmallows; when I woke up, my pillow was missing.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor

There is only one thing worse than dreaming you are at a conference and waking to find that you are at a conference, and that is the conference where you can't fall asleep.

I was once arrested for walking in someone else’s sleep.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

I don’t know if you’ve ever fallen asleep whilst eating a plate of cauliflower, and then woken up, and thought you were in the clouds.

(1964 – ) English comedian

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.

(1956 – ) American comedian

Sleep is the best of both worlds: you get to be alive and unconscious.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

In life your dreams may not come true, but sooner or later one of your nightmares will.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor

There never was a child so lovely, but his mother was glad to get him asleep.

(1803 – 1882) essayist, poet, & philosopher

Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead.

(1959 – ) Australian writer & television producer

I daydreamed that I was falling and, just before I hit the ground, I fell asleep.