Subject: Activities » Sleep (Page 4)

It's like, I hate getting up in the morning, unless it's over and over and over and over again… then I'm good.

American comedian & musician

Life is something you do when you can’t get to sleep.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

I wrote my nightmares out this afternoon so I can get a good night’s sleep tonight.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.

(1956 – ) American comedian

I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

If I didn’t wake up, I’d still be sleeping.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager

Follow seven beers with a couple of Scotches and a thimble of good marijuana, and it's funny how sleep just sort of comes on its own.

(1921 – 2001) Welsh comedian & singer

The one who snores will fall asleep first.

Last night I fell asleep in a satellite dish… my dreams were broadcast all over the world.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

There never was a child so lovely, but his mother was glad to get him asleep.

(1803 – 1882) essayist, poet, & philosopher

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won’t get much sleep.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Ironic how you can’t get kids out of their beds in the morning but you can’t get them into their beds at night.

(1958 – ) Australian author

Snoring: Sheet music.

Life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist

The amount of sleep needed by the average person is five minutes more.

typographer

I was having difficulty deciding if I wanted to purchase this bed I was looking at, so the salesman told me… sleep on it.

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer

His insomnia was so bad, he couldn't sleep during office hours.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

Sometimes in the middle of the night, I think of something that's funny, then I go get a pen and I write it down… or if the pen's too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of ain't funny.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor

I dreamt I was forced to eat 25lb of marshmallows; when I woke up, my pillow was missing.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor