Subject: Activities » Travel

I'm often asked why I travel around the country talking politics: Is it for humanitarian reasons, community spirit, or is it for the money, the limousines or the girls? … The answers are: no, no, yes yes yes!

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign
Activities Government Politics Travel

All buses heading in the opposite direction drive off the face of the earth and never return.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Travel

The distance to the gate from which your flight departs is inversely proportional to the time remaining before the scheduled departure of the flight.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Time Travel

There’s no future in time travel.

Activities Future Past Time Travel

My wife and I can never agree on holidays… I want to fly to exotic places and stay in five-star hotels… and she wants to come with me.

comedian
Activities Travel

Airline travel is hours of boredom interrupted by moments of stark terror.

disc jockey, screenwriter & humorist
Activities Emotions Fear Travel

I just got out of the hospital… I had my mother removed from my back.

comedian & television writer
Beliefs Family Mothers Travel

Detour: The roughest distance between two points.

Activities Definitions Travel

Customs is punishment for those who travel.

(1969 – ) American comedian & actor
Activities Travel

Detour: Something that lengthens your mileage, diminishes your gas, and strengthens your vocabulary.

Activities Definitions Travel

They [airplane oxygen masks] don’t really help you… they’re just there to muffle the screams.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Activities Things Travel

You can travel fifty thousand miles in America without once tasting a piece of good bread.

(1891 – 1980) novelist & painter
Activities America Food/Drink Places Travel

When you need towns, they are very far apart.

Activities Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws Travel

One road trip we were stuck on the runway for seven hours. The plane kept driving and driving until we arrived at the rink and I realized we were on a bus.

Canadian hockey player
Hockey Sports Travel

It’s easier to find a traveling companion than to get rid of one.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Activities People Travel

Never, ever, fly on the airline of the country from which you are departing.

Murphy’s Laws Places Travel

If God had really intended man to fly, He’d make it easier to get to the airport.

(1925 – 2013) comedian & actor
Activities Travel

There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you’re anxious to meet people who do.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Travel

Except that right-side-up is best, there is not much to learn about holding a baby.

(1918 – 2001) American sportswriter, commentator & actor
Children Family People Travel

Jamaican Air – Every flight is the red-eye!

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities Travel

As soon as the stewardess serves the coffee, the airliner encounters turbulence.
Davis's Explanation of Roger's Law: Serving coffee on aircraft causes turbulence.

Murphy’s Laws Travel