Subject: Activities » Travel (Page 2)

Kids… I like kids, but I couldn’t eat a whole one.

The transatlantic crossing was so rough the only thing that I could keep on my stomach was the first mate.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

They [airplane oxygen masks] don’t really help you… they’re just there to muffle the screams.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

Customs is punishment for those who travel.

(1969 – ) American comedian & actor

It always takes longer to get there than to get back.

The saying “Getting there is half the fun” became obsolete with the advent of commercial airlines.


If my dead father was alive to hear that, it would kill him.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

I'm often asked why I travel around the country talking politics: Is it for humanitarian reasons, community spirit, or is it for the money, the limousines or the girls? … The answers are: no, no, yes yes yes!

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign

The secret of dealing successfully with a child is not to be its parent.

(1927 – ) American cartoonist (Momma)

In 1903 the Wright brothers invented airplanes, because in 1902 they took a road trip across the country with their family.

(1957 – ) American comedian

It’s easier to find a traveling companion than to get rid of one.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist

No matter how many rooms there are in the motel, the fellow who starts up his car at five o’clock in the morning is always parked under your window.

The traveller sees what he sees; the tourist sees what he has come to see.

(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist

When you are served a meal aboard an aircraft, the aircraft will encounter turbulence.

As soon as the stewardess serves the coffee, the airliner encounters turbulence.
Davis's Explanation of Roger's Law: Serving coffee on aircraft causes turbulence.

All buses heading in the opposite direction drive off the face of the earth and never return.

1. The last gas station for 50 miles will be closed when you get there. 2. At the moment of any departure, the level of gas in your tank depends entirely on how late you are. 3. You only run out of gas after your wife tells you to stop for gas before you run out.

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.

(1926 – ) film director, screenwriter, composer, comedian, actor & producer

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor

The best accessory a girl can have is her best friend.

(1981 – ) heiress, socialite, media personality & model

My wife and I can never agree on holidays… I want to fly to exotic places and stay in five-star hotels… and she wants to come with me.

comedian