Subject: Age

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

I said to my husband, ‘My boobs have gone, my stomach’s gone, say something nice about my legs;’ he said, ‘Blue goes with everything.’

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

The secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit

I was getting dressed and a peeping Tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

I've only got one wrinkle and I'm sitting on it.

(1875 – 1997) French, 120 year old woman

Most people my age are dead at the present time.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager

No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will sometimes produce bizarre behavior… and I’m not talking about the kids.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor

He’s 31 this year – last year he was 30.

(1926 – ) English sports commentator

Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor

It is better to waste one’s youth than to do nothing with it at all.

(1858 – 1929) French dramatist, novelist & satirist

Youth: That brief period, as distinguished from childhood or middle age, when the sexes talk to each other at a party.

Birthday: Anniversary of one’s birth, observed only by men and children.

As I understand President Bush's Medicare plan, it provides for unlimited coverage for anyone over 72 whose parents can pass the physical.

(1932 – ) American political satirist & comedian

Until I was 13, I thought my name was ‘Shut Up.’

(1943 – ) American football player

We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist

I’m throwing as hard as I ever did, but the ball is just not getting there as fast.

(1908 – 1989) American baseball player

Old Age: When you find yourself using one bend-over to pick up two things.

If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving you don’t actually live longer; it just seems longer.

(1924 – 2009) English broadcaster, writer, politician & chef

Before borrowing from a friend, decide which you need most.

Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
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