Subject: Age

There are younger Aztec ruins.

sportswriter & newspaper columnist

Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Old people love to give good advice; it compensates them for their inability to set a bad example.

(1613 – 1680) French writer

My body is dropping so fast, my gynecologist wears a hard hat.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it.

(1931 – 2005) American actor

Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else… and usually is.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet

Birthday: Anniversary of one’s birth, observed only by men and children.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

Senescence begins and middle age ends, the day your descendants outnumber your friends.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet

It is a sobering thought, that when Mozart was my age he had been dead for two years.

(1928 – ) humorist, singer, songwriter & satirist

As you grow older, you stand for more and fall for less.

[Memorial services are the] cocktail parties of the geriatric set.

(1902 – 1983) English actor

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous; when I was sixty-five, I still had pimples.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

The young are generally full of revolt, and are often pretty revolting about it.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author

I was born in 1962… and the room next to me was 1963.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

It was traumatic for me — not as traumatic as turning gay.

television executive & comedian

Adolescence is the best substitute ever invented for experience.

I didn’t see [Christy] Mathewson, but Oquendo said he had a good slider.

American baseball player

The comfort of turning 49 is the realization that you are now too old to die young.

Ask anybody over 30 – if they tell you they have more than 10 friends, you know they’re counting co-workers.

American comedian & television host
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