Subject: Age

You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don't have to.

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist

Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

She’ll never admit it, but I believe it is Mama.

(1917 – ) Hungarian-born American actress

A woman telling her true age is like a buyer confiding his final price to an Armenian rug dealer.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author

Any child who chatters nonstop at home will adamantly refuse to utter a word when requested to demonstrate for an audience.

My mother used to say: the older you get, the better you get… unless you’re a banana.

1922) American actress, comedian & television personality

At my age flowers scare me.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

Sex at 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

Middle age is when you stop criticizing the older generation and start criticizing the younger one.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer

People who say you're just as old as you feel are all wrong, fortunately.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist

I don’t plan to grow old gracefully; I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

He’s 31 this year – last year he was 30.

(1926 – ) English sports commentator

Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own.

(384 BC – 322 BC) Greek philosopher

I’m a controversial figure: my friends either dislike me or hate me.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor

She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Threescore years and ten is enough; if a man can’t suffer all the misery he wants in that time, he must be numb.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

I made wine out of raisins so I wouldn't have to wait for it to age.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

I used to dread getting older because I thought I would not be able to do all the things I wanted to do, but now that I am older I find that I don't want to do them.

(1879 – 1964) British politician
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