Quotes and One Liners
humorous quotations, expressions, proverbs, headlines & more
Some Popular Authors
Alfred E. Neuman
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He was young – He was fair – But the Injuns – Raised his hair
When I was in high school, a “drive-by shooting” meant someone had their rear end hanging out a car window!
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
After the age of 80, you seem to be having breakfast every day.
(1907 – 2005) was an English poet & playwright
Eighty is a wonderful age… especially if you’re ninety.
(1900 – 1973) American journalist & editor
You ever drive around with an old person who knows where everything didn't used to be?
American stand-up comedian
Most people my age are dead at the present time.
(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Sometimes I feel that I’m not just aging… I’m decomposing.
(1949 – ) American federal judge
Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternatives.
(1888 – 1972) French actor, singer & entertainer
We were a generation born too late to eat goldfish and too early to flash.
(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
I don't need drugs anymore, thank God; I can get the same effect just by standing up real fast.
(1946 – ) American comedian, actor & voice actor
Despite his infirmities, Strom Thurmond showed up to work every day and did not miss a Senate vote in his final year, though no one is sure if a shouted "Bingo!" counted as a yea or a nay.
(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Getting old is when a narrow waist and a broad mind change places!
Alfred E. Neuman
fictional mascot and cover boy of
, an American humor magazine
Dinah [Shore] formed a foundation to locate missing senior citizens by putting their pictures on prune juice bottles.
(1919 – 2006) American comedian & actor
Old Age: When you wink at a girl and she says, “Something wrong with your eyes?”
Middle age is that perplexing time of life when we hear two voices calling us, one saying, "Why not?" and the other, "Why bother?"
Sydney J. Harris
(1917 –1986) American journalist
People who say you're just as old as you feel are all wrong, fortunately.
(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
The moment you're born you're done for.
Enoch Arnold Bennett
1867 – 1931) English novelist
The only difference between friends and lovers is about four minutes.
writer, website creator
Puberty: The awkward age when a child is too old to say something cute and too young to say something sensible.
Well Kerry, you’re 19 and you’re a lot older than a lot of people younger than yourself.
English football player
Forty is the old age of youth; fifty is the youth of old age.
(1802 – 1885) French writer
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