Subject: Age

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses… drinks right out of the bottle.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian

I don't need drugs anymore, thank God; I can get the same effect just by standing up real fast.

(1946 – ) American comedian, actor & voice actor

Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese.

(1884 – 1970) American actress

[My mother] had something like ‘time out;' it was called ‘knock out.'

American comedian

Old age is when you know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer

You know you’re getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don’t know anyone who can see through it.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

True friends stab you in the front.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

The secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit

Everyone I like stays the hell away from me.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

My son is 21… he’ll be 22 if I let him.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian

Pushing forty? … she's hanging on for dear life.

(1884 – 1969) English novelist

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

Whatever happened to the good old days when kids was scared to death of their parents?

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

I still feel 30, except when I try to run.

(1929 – ) American comedian & comic actor

Anybody can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friend’s success.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

The thing about getting old is the number of things you think that you can’t say aloud because it would be too shocking.

(1919 – 2013) British writer, poet & playwright

I won't say I was slow developer, but our teacher was quite pleased to have someone her own age in the class to talk to.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor

When our friends get into power, they aren’t our friends any more.

I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good book… or a friend who’s read one.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor

He is so old… I told him to act his own age, and he died.