Subject: Age

He was young – He was fair – But the Injuns – Raised his hair

When I was in high school, a “drive-by shooting” meant someone had their rear end hanging out a car window!

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

After the age of 80, you seem to be having breakfast every day.

(1907 – 2005) was an English poet & playwright

Eighty is a wonderful age… especially if you’re ninety.

(1900 – 1973) American journalist & editor

You ever drive around with an old person who knows where everything didn't used to be?

American stand-up comedian

Most people my age are dead at the present time.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager

Sometimes I feel that I’m not just aging… I’m decomposing.

(1949 – ) American federal judge

Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternatives.

(1888 – 1972) French actor, singer & entertainer

We were a generation born too late to eat goldfish and too early to flash.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist

I don't need drugs anymore, thank God; I can get the same effect just by standing up real fast.

(1946 – ) American comedian, actor & voice actor

Despite his infirmities, Strom Thurmond showed up to work every day and did not miss a Senate vote in his final year, though no one is sure if a shouted "Bingo!" counted as a yea or a nay.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian

Getting old is when a narrow waist and a broad mind change places!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Dinah [Shore] formed a foundation to locate missing senior citizens by putting their pictures on prune juice bottles.

(1919 – 2006) American comedian & actor

Old Age: When you wink at a girl and she says, “Something wrong with your eyes?”

Middle age is that perplexing time of life when we hear two voices calling us, one saying, "Why not?" and the other, "Why bother?"

(1917 –1986) American journalist

People who say you're just as old as you feel are all wrong, fortunately.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist

The moment you're born you're done for.

1867 – 1931) English novelist

The only difference between friends and lovers is about four minutes.

writer, website creator

Puberty: The awkward age when a child is too old to say something cute and too young to say something sensible.

Well Kerry, you’re 19 and you’re a lot older than a lot of people younger than yourself.

English football player

Forty is the old age of youth; fifty is the youth of old age.

(1802 – 1885) French writer
The Literacy Site