Subject: Age

A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!

(1926 — ) newspaper columnist

Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty… but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

(1948 – ) comedian, actor, writer, producer & film director

Have you ever tried to put an oyster in a slot machine?

(1922 – ) actor, film director, producer, writer & comedian

Dinah [Shore] formed a foundation to locate missing senior citizens by putting their pictures on prune juice bottles.

(1919 – 2006) American comedian & actor

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older… little things, like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman—stuff you pay good money for in later life.

(1956 – ) American comedian

There are a good many fools who call me a friend, and also a good many friends who call me a fool.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

I got my start in silent radio.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer

It’s wonderful to meet so many friends that I didn’t used to like.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager

You’ll have to ask somebody older than me.

(1883 – 1983) American composer, lyricist & pianist

I'm kinda stuck in that awkward in-between stage where my hair is just starting to fall out, but I'm still maintaining my youthful acne.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host

The best years are the forties; after fifty a man begins to deteriorate, but in the forties he is at the maximum of his villainy.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

I'm not saying older women are sluttier; I'm just saying, an older woman isn't gonna make you wait 'til three in the morning 'cause she's got shit to do the next day.

American comedian

Women are not forgiven for aging; Robert Redford's lines of distinction are my old-age wrinkles.

(1937 – ) American actress, writer, political activist, & fitness exponent

You're never too old to become younger.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

When I broke in, they didn’t have bats – we just grabbed the branch of a tree.

American baseball pitcher

People who say you're just as old as you feel are all wrong, fortunately.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist

Don't try to make children grow up to be like you, or they may do it.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist