Subject: Age

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, "Do you have any toy train schedules?"

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Until I was 13, I thought my name was ‘Shut Up.’

(1943 – ) American football player

The comfort of turning 49 is the realization that you are now too old to die young.

Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor

Youth: That brief period, as distinguished from childhood or middle age, when the sexes talk to each other at a party.

Puberty is a phase… fifteen years of rejection is a lifestyle.

stand-up comedian

I must admit he exhibits the most extraordinary capacity for middle age that I’ve ever encountered in a young man of twenty-four.

movie character, in Kind Hearts And Coronets (Dennis Price)

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

If you want to know what you’ll look like in ten years, look in the mirror after you’ve run a marathon.

American cardiologist & marathoner

I smoke 10 to 15 cigars a day, at my age I have to hold on to something.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

You are 32, you are rapidly approaching the age when your body, whether it embarrasses you or not, begins to embarrass other people.

English author, actor, humorist & playwright

I personally stay away from natural foods; at my age I need all the preservatives I can get.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

First you forget names, then you forget faces… next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage.

(1926 — ) newspaper columnist

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in it's holder is a thrill.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

I’ll never make the mistake of being 70 again.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager

There are a good many fools who call me a friend, and also a good many friends who call me a fool.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator

Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own.

(384 BC – 322 BC) Greek philosopher

Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.

(1926 — ) newspaper columnist