Subject: Age

He's as old as some trees.

Canadian hockey player & coach

Tommy John is so old, he uses Absorbine Senior.

(1952 – ) American sportscaster

I’m at the age where I can’t take anything with a grain of salt.

American comedian

The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it.

(1931 – 2005) American actor

I'll tell 'ya how to stay young: Hang around with older people.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

I don't need you to remind me of my age; I have a bladder to do that for me.

(1957 – ) English actor, writer, journalist, comedian & film director

If you want to know how old a woman is, ask her sister-in-law.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor

Whatever happened to the good old days when kids was scared to death of their parents?

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

I’ve been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Teenagers: Those old enough to know everything.

Boys are beyond the range of anybody's sure understanding, at least when they are between the ages of 18 months and 90 years.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist

My friend just got a trophy wife… must not have been first place.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Adolescents: People who never seem to realize that one day they will be as dumb as their parents.

Old age is the most unexpected of all the things that can happen to a man.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist

The moment you're born you're done for.

1867 – 1931) English novelist

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous; when I was sixty-five, I still had pimples.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

Adolescence begins when children stop asking questions – because they know all the answers.

(1899 – 1995) humorist

She may very well pass for forty three… in the dusk with the light behind her.

(1836 – 1911) English dramatist, librettist, poet & illustrator

Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.

The secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
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