Quotes and One Liners
humorous quotations, expressions, proverbs, headlines & more
Some Popular Authors
Alfred E. Neuman
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Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own.
(384 BC – 322 BC) Greek philosopher
There are only two things a child will share willingly – communicable diseases and his mother’s age.
(1903 – 1998) American pediatrician & author
There are three terrible ages of childhood – 1 to 10, 10 to 20, and 20 to 30.
(1917 – 1998) author, critic, animal rights activist
I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.
(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
When you feel that you would like to go back to your youth, think of algebra.
If you want to be adored by your peers and have standing ovations wherever you go – live to be over ninety.
(1887 – 1995) American theater produce, director & playwright, screenwriter & film director
Old age is ready to undertake tasks that youth shirked because they would take too long.
(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
I can still enjoy sex at 74; I live at 75, so it's no distance.
(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
If you help a friend in need, he is sure to remember you… the next time he’s in need.
The young are generally full of revolt, and are often pretty revolting about it.
(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
Women are as old as they feel and men are old when they lose their feelings.
(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
When a man’s best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.
(1927 – 1989) author, essayist & environmentalist
He has a profound respect for old age… especially when it’s bottled.
(1890 – 1960) journalist, author & dramatist
Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.
Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.
(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue
Forty: The most difficult age for a woman to pass; it often takes years.
That dame is older than the Continental Shelf!
(1944 – ) American actor, director & producer
As Louie De Palma in “Taxi”
A person is always startled when he hears himself seriously called an old man for the first time.
Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.
(1841 – 1935) American jurist & Supreme Court justice
My wife and I are discussing whether we’re going to spank our child or not; I say wait ’til she does something wrong.
You know, you get that tattoo of barbed wire when you’re 18, but by the time you’re 80, it’s a picket fence.
(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
When you are about 35 years old, something terrible always happens to music.
(1921 – 2009) British composer, pianist and radio & television presenter
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