Quotes and One Liners
humorous quotations, expressions, proverbs, headlines & more
Some Popular Authors
Alfred E. Neuman
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Looking fifty is great – if you're sixty.
(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Did you ever look in a mirror and wonder how your pantyhose got so wrinkled… and then remember you weren’t wearing any?
(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
If you want to be adored by your peers and have standing ovations wherever you go – live to be over ninety.
(1887 – 1995) American theater produce, director & playwright, screenwriter & film director
To an old man any place that’s warm is homeland.
(1868 – 1936) Russian writer & political activist
There are three ages of man: youth, middle age and “Gee, you look good.”
(1913 – 1997) American comedian & radio & television host
Pudge is so old, they didn’t have history class when he went to school.
professional baseball player & broadcaster
Of Carlton 'Pudge' Fisk
Adolescence: A stage between infancy and adultery
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
(1948 – ) comedian, actor, writer, producer & film director
One should never trust a woman who tells one her real age.
(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Between the ages of twelve and seventeen, a child may see his parents age twenty years.
A person is always startled when he hears himself seriously called an old man for the first time.
Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.
(1841 – 1935) American jurist & Supreme Court justice
There are younger Aztec ruins.
sportswriter & newspaper columnist
On pitcher Vicente Romo
When I was young, the old regarded me as an outrageous young fellow and now that I’m old the young regard me as an outrageous old fellow.
(1915 – 2001) English astronomer & mathematician
When you are over the hill, you pick up speed.
A woman is as young as her knees.
(1934 – ) British fashion designer
Whatever happened to the good old days when kids was scared to death of their parents?
All In the Family
Barney: I think of you as experienced. In an emergency, you would be the first one that I’d call.Fish: Youshould call me first. I need time to put my teeth in.
(1921 – ) American actor
As Detective Philip K. Fish in “Barney Miller”
He was young – He was fair – But the Injuns – Raised his hair
The comfort of turning 49 is the realization that you are now too old to die young.
Diskson’s Rule of 49
When people tell you how young you look, they are also telling you how old you are
(1904 – 1986) English-American actor
What can you say when your husband says: “You can’t expect me to remember your birthday, when you never look any older.”
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