Subject: Age

I'm too young for Medicare and too old for broads to care.

(1911 – 1986) American actor

There are three terrible ages of childhood – 1 to 10, 10 to 20, and 20 to 30.

(1917 – 1998) author, critic, animal rights activist

Youth: A good substitute for experience.

You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re told to slow down by your doctor instead of the police.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

Middle Age: That period when a man begins to shed his hair, his teeth, and his illusions.

I smoke 10 to 15 cigars a day, at my age I have to hold on to something.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

You know you’re getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don’t know anyone who can see through it.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

I’m at the age where I can’t take anything with a grain of salt.

American comedian

I’m still going on bad dates, when by now I should be in a bad marriage.

(1969 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & writer

That’s one you can tell your grandchildren about – tomorrow.

American baseball player

Have you ever tried to put an oyster in a slot machine?

(1922 – ) actor, film director, producer, writer & comedian

I now consider it a good day when I don’t step on my boobs.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

I'm not saying older women are sluttier; I'm just saying, an older woman isn't gonna make you wait 'til three in the morning 'cause she's got shit to do the next day.

American comedian

The only difference between friends and lovers is about four minutes.

writer, website creator

What's the advantage of having a kid at 49?… you can both be in diapers at the same time?

stand-up comedian

Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and you choosing the one that’ll get you home earlier.

American comedian & juggler

The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist

When men reach their sixties and retire they go to pieces; women just go on cooking.


Old people love to give good advice; it compensates them for their inability to set a bad example.

(1613 – 1680) French writer

Whatever happened to the good old days when kids was scared to death of their parents?

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
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