Subject: Age

Senility: A cleansing of the mental blackboard shortly before class is dismissed.

My body is dropping so fast, my gynecologist wears a hard hat.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

I don't need drugs anymore, thank God; I can get the same effect just by standing up real fast.

(1946 – ) American comedian, actor & voice actor

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

I didn’t see [Christy] Mathewson, but Oquendo said he had a good slider.

American baseball player

The older you get, the higher your underwear – get like rings on a tree; you're 80-90 years old – your breasts are inside them.

stand-up comedian, actor, writer & producer

Regardless of their age, most folks are not as old as they hope to be.

A sexagenarian? At his age? I think that’s disgusting!

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)

There never was a child so lovely, but his mother was glad to get him asleep.

(1803 – 1882) essayist, poet, & philosopher

You know you're getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

There are a good many fools who call me a friend, and also a good many friends who call me a fool.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator

Adolescence: A stage between infancy and adultery


There are three ages of man: youth, middle age and “Gee, you look good.”

(1913 – 1997) American comedian & radio & television host

Pushing forty? … she's hanging on for dear life.

(1884 – 1969) English novelist

To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

Middle Age: That period in life when your idea of getting ahead is staying even.

The trouble with young writers is that they are all in their sixties.

(1874 – 1965) English dramatist & novelist

Sex at 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

The Houston Astros are the youngest team in the National League if you judge by age.

American baseball pitcher & announcer

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

(1948 – ) comedian, actor, writer, producer & film director
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