Subject: Age

I made wine out of raisins so I wouldn't have to wait for it to age.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

A child is a curly, dimpled lunatic.

(1803 – 1882) essayist, poet, & philosopher

They told me my services were no longer desired because they wanted to put in a youth program as an advance way of keeping the club going; I'll never make the mistake of being seventy again.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager

I'm kinda stuck in that awkward in-between stage where my hair is just starting to fall out, but I'm still maintaining my youthful acne.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host

I’m at the stage of life when if a girl says no to me, I’m profoundly grateful to her.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Say Satch, tell me, was Abraham Lincoln a crouch hitter?

(1908 – 1989) American baseball player

The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles.

She may very well pass for forty three… in the dusk with the light behind her.

(1836 – 1911) English dramatist, librettist, poet & illustrator

I’d like to grow very old as slowly as possible.

(1907 - 1990) American theatrical producer

I always like to know everything about my new friends, and nothing about my old ones.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

She is so old… she used to baby-sit Jesus.

Even when I was a kid, my imaginary friend would play with the kid across the street.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses… drinks right out of the bottle.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

You can judge your age by the amount of pain you feel when you come in contact with a new idea.

Until I was 13, I thought my name was ‘Shut Up.’

(1943 – ) American football player

He’s 31 this year – last year he was 30.

(1926 – ) English sports commentator

Adult: One who has ceased to grow vertically, but not horizontally.


Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor

When you've seen a nude infant doing a backward somersault you know why clothing exists.

(1957 – ) English actor, writer, journalist, comedian & film director

The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid; girls got pinned, not nailed.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
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