Subject: Age

You know you're getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

She was old too, when she went to school they didn’t have history.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

What's the advantage of having a kid at 49?… you can both be in diapers at the same time?

stand-up comedian

Regarding my family, I’m the youngest of three; my parents are both older.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

If you live long enough, the venerability factor creeps in; first, you get accused of things you never did, and later, credited for virtues you never had.

(1907 – 1989) American writer

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

I still feel 30, except when I try to run.

(1929 – ) American comedian & comic actor

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Children are a great comfort in your old age… and they help you reach it faster too.

I'd like to grow very old as slowly as possible.

(1775 – 1834) English critic & essayist

Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and you choosing the one that’ll get you home earlier.

American comedian & juggler

Old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets over their legs, I don’t think so… retired mermaids.

(1964 – ) English comedian

Golden Years My Ass: Adventures in Geriatric Indignity

When men reach their sixties and retire they go to pieces; women just go on cooking.


You know your girlfriend is too young when she’ll do everything in bed but go upside down because it’s too scary.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host

If you're 19 and you stay up all night, it's like a victory, like you've beat the night, but, if you're over 30, then that sun is like God's flashlight.

(1953 – ) American comedian, actor, voice artist, & columnist

A young man is a theory, an old man is a fact.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor

I have lost friends, some by death… others through sheer inability to cross the street.

(1882 – 1941) English novelist, essayist, publisher & feminist

He has a profound respect for old age… especially when it’s bottled.

(1890 – 1960) journalist, author & dramatist

He was either a man of about a hundred and fifty who was rather young for his years, or a man of about a hundred and ten who had been aged by trouble.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist

I can do some things now that I couldn't do when I was 17, like date high school girls.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian













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