Subject: Age

Biologically, I'm 10; chronologically, I'm 33, but in hockey years, I'm 66.

I’ve been doing it [stealing from hotels] for so long, I have a set of towels from the Ark.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

Have you ever tried to put an oyster in a slot machine?

(1922 – ) actor, film director, producer, writer & comedian

I have everything now I had twenty years ago – except now it’s lower.

(1911 – 1970) American burlesque entertainer, actress, author & playwright

Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas.

(1959 – ) American comedian

I'm 34 years old; I thought I'd be divorced by now.

American comedian

Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are ‘age appropriate’ … for me that would be a shroud.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

A poet more than thirty years old is simply an overgrown child.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

I’m 65. People say I look 55. I feel 45. I’d settle for 35 and you make me feel 25.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian

You know you’re getting old when you start watching golf on TV and enjoying it.

(1953 – ) American comedian, actor, voice artist, & columnist

Old age is when you know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer

Do not worry about avoiding temptation; as you grow older it will avoid you.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

There never was a child so lovely, but his mother was glad to get him asleep.

(1803 – 1882) essayist, poet, & philosopher

After 60, it's just patch, patch, patch.

(1913 – 1990) American actress

You're never too old to become younger.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

Although it is generally known, I think it’s about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

I have never known a person to live to be one hundred and be remarkable for anything else.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

The comfort of turning 49 is the realization that you are now too old to die young.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

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