Subject: Age

I’m at the age where I can’t take anything with a grain of salt.

American comedian

It’s a good thing to be old, because that means you haven’t died yet, right?

(1974 – ) Spanish actress & model

It was tough growing up in Florida because all my friends were retired.

(1959 – ) American comedian, comedy writer, actor & author

Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

Only thing that’s worse than walking in on your parents making love is walking in on your grandparents making love.

(1969 – ) comedian & actor

Adult: One who has ceased to grow vertically, but not horizontally.


Pushing fifty is exercise enough

When I was a boy, I thought myself a man; now that I am a man, I find myself a boy.

(1773 – 11829) English genius & polymath

You're never too old to become younger.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

You ever drive around with an old person who knows where everything didn't used to be?

American stand-up comedian

Geriatricide joint

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

We've had bad luck with our kids… they've all grown up.

(1890 – 1957) author & journalist

Larry King is so old, he's actually one of the Jews that killed Christ.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian

It is better to waste one’s youth than to do nothing with it at all.

(1858 – 1929) French dramatist, novelist & satirist

To what do I attribute my longevity? … bad luck.

(1908 – 1999) English writer

The idea is to die young as late as possible.

Birthday: Anniversary of one’s birth, observed only by men and children.

Being young is not having any money; being young is not minding not having any money

(1928 – ) British journalist, writer & columnist

Middle age is when you stop criticizing the older generation and start criticizing the younger one.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer

Old age is ready to undertake tasks that youth shirked because they would take too long.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Learning to dislike children at an early age saves a lot of expense and aggravation later in life.

(1930 – ) American author and billiard player, teacher & commentator