Subject: Age » Old (Page 3)

If you want to recapture your youth, just cut off his allowance.

(1919 – 2006) American comedian & actor

Age: The time when everything hurts and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work.

To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girl friends.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.

(1911 – 1989) television actress

The older you get the stronger the wind gets… and it's always in your face.

(1940 – ) professional golfer

I refuse to admit I'm more than 52, even if that does make my sons illegitimate.

(1879 – 1964) British politician

The gods bestowed on Max [Beerbohm] the gift of perpetual old age.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

When you are over the hill, you pick up speed.

Barometer: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

She was old too, when she went to school they didn’t have history.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

I’ve been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Sometimes I feel that I’m not just aging… I’m decomposing.

(1949 – ) American federal judge

She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re told to slow down by your doctor instead of the police.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

I believe in loyalty… when a woman reaches an age she likes, she should stick with it.

(1919 – 1995) Hungarian-born American socialite & actress

Good taste is the worst vice ever invented.

(1887 – 1964) English biographer, critic, novelist & poet

I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old… unfortunately there’s never one around.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer

Dinah [Shore] formed a foundation to locate missing senior citizens by putting their pictures on prune juice bottles.

(1919 – 2006) American comedian & actor

You know you’re getting old when you start watching golf on TV and enjoying it.

(1953 – ) American comedian, actor, voice artist, & columnist

I personally stay away from natural foods; at my age I need all the preservatives I can get.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer