Subject: Age (Page 2)

The gods bestowed on Max [Beerbohm] the gift of perpetual old age.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

I feel I can talk with more authority, especially when I say, ‘I don’t know.’

(1921 – 2004) English actor & author

If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself.

(1931 – 1995) American baseball player

She is so old… she used to baby-sit Jesus.

Yesterday: The infancy of youth, the youth of manhood, the entire past of age.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

The young are always ready to give to those who are older than themselves the full benefits of their inexperience.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

The trick is growing up without growing old.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager

The young feel tired at the end of an action; the old at the beginning.

(1888 – 1965) British (US-born) critic, dramatist & poet

My friend just got a trophy wife… must not have been first place.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

I don’t think my family liked me… they put a live teddy bear in my crib.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

I now consider it a good day when I don’t step on my boobs.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

I ask myself questions in those stores I don't ask myself anywhere else, like, 'Will I live long enough to use all those paper towels?'

American comedian & musician

The secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit

May God defend me from my friends; I can defend myself from my enemies.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist

Nostalgia is heroin for old people.

(1972 – ) Irish comedian & television presenter

It was tough growing up in Florida because all my friends were retired.

(1959 – ) American comedian, comedy writer, actor & author

Children are a great comfort in your old age… and they help you reach it faster too.

I'm kinda stuck in that awkward in-between stage where my hair is just starting to fall out, but I'm still maintaining my youthful acne.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
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