Subject: Age (Page 23)

Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese.

(1884 – 1970) American actress

I'm thirty years old, but I read at the thirty-four-year-old level.

(1955 – ) actor & comedian

You know you're getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

The moment you're born you're done for.

1867 – 1931) English novelist

Young people should be helped, sheltered, ignored, and clubbed if necessary.

(1909 – 1979) American cartoonist (Li'l Abner)

Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

I'm kinda stuck in that awkward in-between stage where my hair is just starting to fall out, but I'm still maintaining my youthful acne.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host

People who say you're just as old as you feel are all wrong, fortunately.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist

I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Middle-age is the time of life, that a man first notices – in his wife.

(1906 – 1989) American poet & author

After forty a woman has to choose between losing her figure or her face; my advice is to keep your face, and stay sitting down.

(1901 – 2000) English author

Middle Age: When you no longer care where your wife wants to go – so long as you don’t have to go with her.

Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty… but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

There is still no cure for the common birthday.

(1921 – ) U.S. senator (Ohio) Marine Corps pilot & astronaut

It’s good to be here… but at 98, it’s good to be anywhere.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

My mother had to send me to the movies with my birth certificate, so that I wouldn’t have to pay the extra fifty cents the adults had to pay.

(1947 – ) basketball player, coach & actor

At eighty-eight how do you feel when getting up in the morning? … Amazed!

(1881 – 1973) German economist

I won't say I was slow developer, but our teacher was quite pleased to have someone her own age in the class to talk to.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor

When you are eight years old, nothing is any of your business.

(1923 – 1966) stand-up comedian, writer, social critic & satirist

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

(1948 – ) comedian, actor, writer, producer & film director

It was traumatic for me — not as traumatic as turning gay.

television executive & comedian