Subject: Age (Page 27)

Zeal: A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Geriatricide joint

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

Boys are beyond the range of anybody's sure understanding, at least when they are between the ages of 18 months and 90 years.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist

I believe in loyalty… when a woman reaches an age she likes, she should stick with it.

(1919 – 1995) Hungarian-born American socialite & actress

We all get heavier as we get older because there’s a lot more information in our heads.

professional basketball player

As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer.

(1887 – 1948) American journalist & humorist

Middle age: When a woman’s hair starts turning from gray to black.

I can do some things now that I couldn't do when I was 17, like date high school girls.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian

He's so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front.

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor

I’m still going on bad dates, when by now I should be in a bad marriage.

(1969 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & writer

Old age is no place for sissies.

(1908 – 1989) American actress of film, television & theater

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous; when I was sixty-five, I still had pimples.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

A young man is a theory, an old man is a fact.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor

I now consider it a good day when I don’t step on my boobs.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

Middle Age: A time of life when winking at a girl is closing one eye to reality.

Well Kerry, you’re 19 and you’re a lot older than a lot of people younger than yourself.

English football player

I am just turning forty and taking my time about it.

(1893 – 1971) American film actor & producer

The young have aspirations that never come to pass, the old have remembrances of what never happened.

(1870 – 1916) British writer

Whatever a parent does is wrong.

Senility: The pleasantly rueful experience of forgetting what we’ve forgotten.

Girls used to come up to me and say, “My sister loves you.” Now they say, “My mother loves you.”

baseball player