Subject: Age (Page 27)

He has a profound respect for old age… especially when it’s bottled.

(1890 – 1960) journalist, author & dramatist

When you've been around as long as me… you'll know that there are three types of sex… One – brand-new, kitchen-table sex; Two – bedroom sex; then number three – hallway sex… when you pass each other in the hallway and say 'f**k you.’

(1958 – ) Australian author

Middle age is when we can do just as much as ever – but would rather not.

Women your age are more likely to be mauled at the zoo than get married.

(1958 – ) American actor & producer

Middle age is that perplexing time of life when we hear two voices calling us, one saying, "Why not?" and the other, "Why bother?"

(1917 –1986) American journalist

One should never trust a woman who tells one her real age.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it.

(1931 – 2005) American actor

She is so old… she was the waitress at the last supper.

I'd like to grow very old as slowly as possible.

(1775 – 1834) English critic & essayist

Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternatives.

(1888 – 1972) French actor, singer & entertainer

I’m 65. People say I look 55. I feel 45. I’d settle for 35 and you make me feel 25.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian

Sudden success in golf is like the sudden acquisition of wealth; it is apt to unsettle and deteriorate the character.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist

Ask any woman her age, and nine times out of ten she’ll guess wrong.


Middle Age: That period in life when your idea of getting ahead is staying even.

I like my buddies from west Texas; I liked them when I was young; I liked them then I was middle – age; I liked them before I was president; and I like them during president, and I like them after president.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president

Class Reunion: A gathering where you come to the conclusion that most of the people your own age are a lot older than you are.

Adolescence: A period in which children begin to question the answers.

Life not only begins at forty – it begins to show.

They told me my services were no longer desired because they wanted to put in a youth program as an advance way of keeping the club going; I'll never make the mistake of being seventy again.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager

You know you're getting old when kids start to dress like you used to.

(1936 – 2014) American standup comedian, actor & author

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older… little things, like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman—stuff you pay good money for in later life.

(1956 – ) American comedian

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