Subject: Age (Page 3)

I'm in a restaurant one time, we go to the men's room – my grandfather was standing by the condom machine going, 'Hey, this gum has got no flavor.'

American comedian & actor

Any child who chatters nonstop at home will adamantly refuse to utter a word when requested to demonstrate for an audience.

I don’t plan to grow old gracefully; I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

At my age, an affair of the heart is a bypass.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

The number of women a man find attractive is truly proportionate to his age.

We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist

He's great to the old guys. He's got one trainer just to treat varicose veins.

(1935 – 2012) American football player, sports announcer & actor

Growing old’s like being increasingly penalized for a crime you haven't committed.

(1905 – 2000) English writer

To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.

(1870 – 1965) businessman & politician

There is still no cure for the common birthday.

(1921 – ) U.S. senator (Ohio) Marine Corps pilot & astronaut

There are five stages in the life of an actor: Who’s Mary Astor? … Get me Mary Astor… Get me a Mary Astor type… Get me a young Mary Astor… Who’s Mary Astor?

(1906 – 1987) American actress

He is so old… when he was in school they didn’t teach history!

When I was in high school, a “drive-by shooting” meant someone had their rear end hanging out a car window!

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

We've had bad luck with our kids… they've all grown up.

(1890 – 1957) author & journalist

That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.

Old age is no place for sissies.

(1908 – 1989) American actress of film, television & theater

The average age of our bench is deceased.

Los Angeles Dodgers’ manager

Senility: The pleasantly rueful experience of forgetting what we’ve forgotten.

I am in the prime of senility.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

He’s 31 this year – last year he was 30.

(1926 – ) English sports commentator
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