Subject: Age (Page 4)

Puberty: The awkward age when a child is too old to say something cute and too young to say something sensible.

Middle-age is the time of life, that a man first notices – in his wife.

(1906 – 1989) American poet & author

I don’t think my family liked me… they put a live teddy bear in my crib.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

She is so old… she was the waitress at the last supper.

Have you ever tried to put an oyster in a slot machine?

(1922 – ) actor, film director, producer, writer & comedian

The young have aspirations that never come to pass, the old have remembrances of what never happened.

(1870 – 1916) British writer

Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist

Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve; middle age is when you're forced to.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor

I'd go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

A woman telling her true age is like a buyer confiding his final price to an Armenian rug dealer.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author

After the age of 80, you seem to be having breakfast every day.

(1907 – 2005) was an English poet & playwright

I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don't have to.

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist

Setting a good example for children takes all the fun out of middle age.

(1908 – 1976) publisher & author

There are no old people nowadays; they are either 'wonderful for their age' or dead.


Middle Age: When your age starts to show around your middle the art of raising eyebrows instead of the roof. 

What can you say when your husband says: “You can’t expect me to remember your birthday, when you never look any older.”

I told my doctor I wanna stop aging, he gave me a gun!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

I’m at the age where I have to find my hearing aid to ask where my glasses are.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer

There are five stages in the life of an actor: Who’s Mary Astor? … Get me Mary Astor… Get me a Mary Astor type… Get me a young Mary Astor… Who’s Mary Astor?

(1906 – 1987) American actress

You want a friend in Washington?… get a dog.

(1884 – 1972) 33rd U.S. president

My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty, and that’s the law.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
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