Subject: Age (Page 4)

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses… drinks right out of the bottle.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian

Jewelry takes people's minds off your wrinkles.

(1912 – 1969) Norwegian figure skater & actress

You Are Old: Sobering Affirmations for Your Rapidly Disappearing Life

I can still enjoy sex at 74; I live at 75, so it's no distance.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer

The only good thing about [aging] is you’re not dead.

(1905 –1984) American playwright

Middle-age is the time of life, that a man first notices – in his wife.

(1906 – 1989) American poet & author

Younger and younger, our children are seeing the sippy-cup as half empty.

(1970 – ) American stand-up comedian & voice actor

The young are always ready to give to those who are older than themselves the full benefits of their inexperience.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

I can do some things now that I couldn't do when I was 17, like date high school girls.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian

He may be the only kicker to kick and collect Social Security at the same time.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach

If you're 19 and you stay up all night, it's like a victory, like you've beat the night, but, if you're over 30, then that sun is like God's flashlight.

(1953 – ) American comedian, actor, voice artist, & columnist

To what do I attribute my longevity? … bad luck.

(1908 – 1999) English writer

I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good book… or a friend who’s read one.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor

She is such a good friend that she would throw all her acquaintances into the water for the pleasure of fishing them out again.

(1754 – 1838) French prime minister & diplomat

I’m from Chicago, but I pay child support in Seattle; I’m just kidding – I don’t pay child support.

(1975 – ) American comedian, actor & writer

Sometimes I feel that I’m not just aging… I’m decomposing.

(1949 – ) American federal judge

For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.

(1925 – 2012) author, playwright, essayist & screenwriter

Old age is when you know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer

Youth: The first fifty years of your life… the first twenty of anyone else’s.

Adolescents: People who never seem to realize that one day they will be as dumb as their parents.

Learning to dislike children at an early age saves a lot of expense and aggravation later in life.

(1930 – ) American author and billiard player, teacher & commentator

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