Subject: Age (Page 4)

I wouldn’t be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife.

(1925 – 2010) American film actor

She is so old… her dreams are in black and white.

You know you're getting old when everything dries up or leaks.

You know you're getting old when you start to dress in more than six colors.

(1936 – 2014) American standup comedian, actor & author

You know you're getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for five minutes without moving… he said it was elevator practice.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Class Reunion: A gathering where you come to the conclusion that most of the people your own age are a lot older than you are.

Youth: A good substitute for experience.

Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was so poor I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

It is not the years in your life that count, it is the life in your years.

(1900 – 1965) diplomat & Democratic politician

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

He was either a man of about a hundred and fifty who was rather young for his years, or a man of about a hundred and ten who had been aged by trouble.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist

Looking fifty is great – if you’re sixty.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

You know you are getting older when “Happy Hour” is a nap.

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

My secret to staying young… having no sense of time.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Teenagers: People who get hungry again before the dishes are even washed.

To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

I’m at the stage of life when if a girl says no to me, I’m profoundly grateful to her.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
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