Subject: Age (Page 5)

I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old… unfortunately there’s never one around.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer

That’s one you can tell your grandchildren about – tomorrow.

American baseball player

Setting a good example for children takes all the fun out of middle age.

(1908 – 1976) publisher & author

If you help a friend in need, he is sure to remember you… the next time he’s in need.

One time a guy handed me a picture of himself, and he said, "Here's a picture of me when I was younger" … every picture of you is of when you were younger.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

I’ve always said that in politics, your enemies can’t hurt you, but your friends will kill you.

(1933 – 2006) politician

You're an old-timer if you can remember when setting the world on fire was a figure of speech.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist

I can tell a woman’s age in half a minute — and I do!

(1836 – 1911) English dramatist, librettist, poet & illustrator

I'd like to grow very old as slowly as possible.

(1775 – 1834) English critic & essayist

Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese.

(1884 – 1970) American actress

Sex at 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

I am not young enough to know everything.

(1860 – 1937) Scottish author, dramatist (creator of Peter Pan)

I’m still going on bad dates, when by now I should be in a bad marriage.

(1969 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & writer

I don’t know why my elderly neighbor bothers subscribing to newspapers if he’s just going to let them pile up outside his house.


Adolescence is the best substitute ever invented for experience.

The really frightening thing about middle age is that you know you’ll grow out of it.

(1924 – ) American actress & singer

Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

I’d like to grow very old as slowly as possible.

(1907 - 1990) American theatrical producer

Middle age: When a woman’s hair starts turning from gray to black.

Ask any woman her age, and nine times out of ten she’ll guess wrong.

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