Subject: Age (Page 7)

Old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets over their legs, I don’t think so… retired mermaids.

(1964 – ) English comedian

Middle age: When a woman’s hair starts turning from gray to black.

Biologically, I'm 10; chronologically, I'm 33, but in hockey years, I'm 66.


You don’t have to suffer to be a poet; adolescence is enough suffering for anyone.

(1916 – 1986) American poet, translator & etymologist

I know Im getting old – I had an accident; I was arrested for hit and walk.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

If you live to be ninety in England and can still eat a boiled egg they think you deserve the Nobel Prize.

English author, actor, humorist & playwright

When our friends get into power, they aren’t our friends any more.

I was the kid next door’s imaginary friend.

(1956 – ) American comedian

She is so old… she's in God's year book.

I was getting dressed and a peeping Tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

Ask anybody over 30 – if they tell you they have more than 10 friends, you know they’re counting co-workers.

American comedian & television host

Pushing fifty is exercise enough


True friends stab you in the front.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own.

(384 BC – 322 BC) Greek philosopher

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Some folks as they grow older grow wise, but most folks simply grow stubborner.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

While you can only be young once, you can always be immature.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

We've had bad luck with our kids… they've all grown up.

(1890 – 1957) author & journalist

Centenarian: A person who has lived to be one hundred years old. He never smoked or he smoked all his life. He used whiskey for eighty years or he never used it. He was a vegetarian or he wasn’t a vegetarian.

The older I get, the better I used to be.

(1942 – ) American professional golfer

She is so old… her dreams are in black and white.