Subject: Animals

I can make more generals, but horses cost money.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president

If it's so great outside, why are all the bugs trying to get inside my house?

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor

I am not a cat man, but a dog man, and all felines can tell this at a glance.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director

I bought myself a parrot, but it did not say “I’m hungry”, and so it died.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

I've seen insects walking around with kneepads.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer

Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

He was so learned that he could name a horse in nine languages; so ignorant that he bought a cow to ride on.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

Anglers think they are divining some primeval natural force by outwitting a fish, a creature that never even got out of the evolutionary starting gate.

(1954 – ) American comedian, writer & musician

I'd hate to be a giraffe with a sore throat.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.

(1942 – ) humorist & radio broadcaster

I loathe people who keep dogs; they are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.

(1849 – 1912) Swedish writer

FOUND – Gay dog – was crossing Dundas St. on Saturday, July 14th… won’t stop humping my dog! Please come get ‘em. Call 778-….

The only thing houseflies fear more than the Venus fly trap is the hanging plant.

comedian

'You scratch my back, and I'll suck blood out of yours' – that is the insect motto.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

I’m afraid of sharks – but only in a water situation.

(1973 – ) American comedian

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Horse: An oatsmobile.

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

(1957 – ) English actor, writer, journalist, comedian & film director

Cats have nine lives… which makes them ideal for experimentation.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor

Racehorse: A barn athlete.













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