Subject: Animals » Cats

You've never seen a cat have sex… nobody has; the Discovery Channel hasn't caught that.

American comedian & television host

It was raining cats and dogs, and I fell in a poodle.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor

As anyone who has ever been around a cat for any length of time well knows, cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the human kind.

(1917 – 1998) author, critic, animal rights activist

I just gave my cat a bath; now how do I get all this fur off my tongue?

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

As anyone who has ever been around a cat for any length of time well knows, cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the human kind.

(1917 – 1998) author, critic, animal rights activist

When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Cat bathing is a martial art.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

I never married because there was no need: I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband – I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night.

(1855 – 1924) English writer

Cats… a standing rebuke to behavioural scientist.


If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what would happen if you strapped toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that’s the deal.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor

A man who was loved by 300 women singled me out to live with him… Why? … I was the only one without a cat.

(1952 – ) comedian

Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want.

(1893 – 1970) American writer, critic & naturalist

There are no seeing eye cats, of course, because the sole function of cats, in the Great Chain of Life, is to cause harm to human beings.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

Any member introducing a dog into the Society’s premises shall be liable to a fine of one pound. Any animal leading a blind person shall be deemed to be a cat.

All dogs look up to you; all cats look down to you… only the pig looks at you as an equal.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator

An ordinary kitten will ask more questions than any five-year-old boy.

(1880 – 1964) American writer & photographer

If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

A cat walking into a room containing twelve seated people will jump into the lap of the person who hates cats the most.

To err is human; to purr, feline.

(1930 – ) American author and billiard player, teacher & commentator
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