Subject: Animals (Page 2)

The vet says the dog will not lick the salve because the salve tastes bad to the dog… hello?… he's already licking his ass.

(1960 – ) American comedian
Animals Dogs Health

Even a dog knows the difference between being tripped-over and kicked.

Animals Dogs Proverbs

When a cat ignores you, you think “that's on you” … when a dog ignores you, you think “you saw into my dark soul.”

(1982 – ) American comedian & actress
Animals Cats

Otter Devastation

Animals Headlines

Cat bathing is a martial art.

Animals Cats

I love my hunting dog… well I loved my hunting dog… I'm not very good at hunting.

Canadian-American comedian & writer
Activities Animals Dogs

Last night he went on the paper four times… three of those times I was reading it.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Dogs

A barking dog is often more useful than a sleeping lion.

(1783 – 1859) American author, essayist, biographer & historian
Animals Dogs

You can’t lose a homing pigeon; if your homing pigeon doesn’t come back, then what you’ve lost is a pigeon.

(1981 – ) English writer, stand-up comedian & actress
Animals

Giraffe: The highest form of animal life.

Animals Definitions Wordplay

All men are equal before fish.

(1929 – 1933) 31st U.S. president, humanitarian
Animals People

My dog licked the crumbs out of my computer keyboard and earned an online college degree.

Animals Dogs Education

It's a wise man who profits by his own experience, but it's a good deal wiser one who lets the rattlesnake bite the other fellow.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Intelligence Wisdom

You've never seen a cat have sex… nobody has; the Discovery Channel hasn't caught that.

American comedian & television host
Animals Cats Sex

The other day, I was walking my dog around my building… on the ledge.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Dogs

Horses for Sale! Stallion 2 yrs. old for $500. Mayor 3 yrs. old for $1,000.

Animals Classifieds

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?

(1957 – ) British stand-up comedian
Animals Food/Drink

Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Animals Dogs

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities Animals

You might be a redneck if… your last year you hid yer kids' Easter eggs under cow pies.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals People Rednecks

The only difference between a pigeon and the American farmer today is that a pigeon can still make a deposit on a John Deere.

(1943 – ) U.S. agriculture commissioner, columnist, activist & author
Animals Money