Subject: Animals (Page 21)

Impeccable Birdfeeding: How to Discourage Scuffling, Hull-dropping, Seed-throwing, Unmentionable Nuisances and Vulgar Chatter at Your Birdfeeder

My dog was my soul mate; we both took naps, we both skipped lunch, we both hated the vacuum.

(1952 – ) comedian

No matter which side of door the cat or dog is on, it's the wrong side.

When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.

(1890 – 1957) author & journalist

Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you.

(1962 – ) American English professor & writer under pen name Eloisa James

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?

(1957 – ) British stand-up comedian

It was so cold today that I saw a dog chasing a cat, and the dog was walking.

professional baseball player

My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet… Oh my god, that fucking thing would never shut up… but the bird was cool.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian

Even a dog knows the difference between being tripped-over and kicked.

I've seen insects walking around with kneepads.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer

Because he spills his seed on the ground.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet

You're a good example of why some animals eat their young.

(1948 – 1990) comedian

Never wear anything that panics the cat.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.

(1956 – ) American comedian

I think what sets us apart from other animals is that we aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners.

(1959 – ) American stand-up comedian

Some dog I got too; we call him Egypt because he leaves a pyramid in every room.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Last night he went on the paper four times… three of those times I was reading it.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director

You might be a redneck if… your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

Ant: A small insect that, though always at work, still finds time to go to picnics.