Subject: Animals (Page 3)

How to Preserve Animal and Other Specimens in Clear Plastic

Animals Book Titles

Riding: The art of keeping a horse between yourself and the ground.

Animals Definitions

You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets.

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director
Animals Marriage

Flying pests are more likely to enter the ears, eyes, nose and throat when both hands are in use.

Animals Murphy’s Laws Problems

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won’t get much sleep.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Animals Conflict Situations Sleep

Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won’t buy the wag of his tail.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Dogs

Do you know why kosher meat is way more expensive? … Jewish animals are better negotiators.

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer
Animals

I spend three minutes every day choosing a TV channel to leave on for my dog; then I go to work, and people take me seriously as an adult.

American comedian
Animals Dogs Self

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire; they're trained for that!

(1964 – ) English comedian
Animals Dogs Government Law

The dog has got more fun out of Man than Man has got out of the dog, for the clearly demonstrable reason that Man is the more laughable of the two animals.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Animals Dogs

A camel is a horse designed by a committee.

(1906 – 1988) Greek-British designer of cars
Animals

A zebra cannot change its spots.

(1948 – ) U.S. vice president & politician, author & environmentalist
Animals Malaprops

I don't like grouper fish. Well, they're okay. They hang around star fish. Because they're grouper fish.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals

I Could Pee on This: And Other Poems by Cats

Animals Book Titles Cats

Man is the only animal that blushes… or needs to.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Animals Emotions People

Let sleeping ducks lie.

Animals Dogs Malaprops

The scientific name for an animal that doesn’t either run from or fight its enemies is lunch.

(1947 – ) American philosopher of science
Animals Science/Weather

How long do cats live? Like assuming you don’t throw ‘em under a bus or something?

(1969 – ) American actress, film director & producer
Animals Cats TV/Movie Quotes

I never said all actors are cattle; what I said was all actors should be treated like cattle.

(1899 – 1980) English filmmaker & producer
Animals People

Once on my birthday my ol’ man gave me a bat; the first day I played with it, it flew away.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Family Fathers

If you can’t sleep, count sheep. Don’t count endangered animals. You will run out.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities Animals Sleep