Subject: Animals (Page 4)

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he’s the only one in the world who treats me like I’m The Beatles.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Animals Dogs

A camel is a horse designed by a committee.

(1906 – 1988) Greek-British designer of cars
Animals

I am not a cat man, but a dog man, and all felines can tell this at a glance.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Animals Cats Dogs

Nobody ever committed suicide who had a good two-year-old in the barn.

Activities Animals Proverbs

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire; they're trained for that!

(1964 – ) English comedian
Animals Dogs Government Law

A bird in the hand makes blowing your nose difficult.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Animals Appearance Situations Things

I spilled spot remover on my dog… he’s gone now.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Accidents Animals Dogs Problems

There are no seeing eye cats, of course, because the sole function of cats, in the Great Chain of Life, is to cause harm to human beings.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Animals Cats

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Animals Dogs Things

Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you.

(1962 – ) American English professor & writer under pen name Eloisa James
Animals Cats Dogs

My favorite kind of wild animal is on a plate.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Animals TV/Movie Quotes

When a man’s best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.

(1927 – 1989) author, essayist & environmentalist
Age Animals Dogs Friends People Relationships

When they were naming the animals somebody got lazy… whats he doing?… eating ants… DONE!

(1973 – ) American comedian
Animals Language

It’s only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames.

(1964 – ) English comedian, author & television presenter
Animals Situations

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Animals Communication Language

A moose is an animal with horns on the front of its head and a hunting lodge wall on the back of it.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Animals

No matter how little money and how few possessions you own, having a dog makes you rich.

Animals Dogs Money Wealth

As ugly as a bulldog chewing a wasp.

Animals Appearance Dogs Expressions Ugly

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Activities Animals Sleep

He was so learned that he could name a horse in nine languages; so ignorant that he bought a cow to ride on.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Animals Intelligence Stupidity Wisdom

Hot Dog: The only animal that feeds the hand that bites it.

Animals Definitions Food/Drink