Subject: Appearance

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders… I hate necks.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

He is so fat… people jump over him rather than go around.

Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will look ridiculous year after year.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian

If you ever thought you were ugly, Los Angeles is the place to come and find out you were right.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor

How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Armor: The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the Fruit-of-The-Loom guys laughing at me.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

He is so fat… he has group insurance.

It is only the shallow people who do not judge by appearance.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

Merely because the group is in formation does not mean that the group is on the right course.

His nose is so big… he has to lift it to eat.

His face looks like a closed fist.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter

The reason women don’t play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

She is so short… you can see her feet on her driver's license picture.

Lester: If you play your cards right, you could have my body.

Halley Reed: Wouldn’t you rather leave it to science?

(1945 – ) American model, activist & actress

I dress for women… I undress for men.

(1931 – ) American actress

This shirt is “dry-clean only”… which means it’s dirty.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

He's grinning like a mule eating briars.

It’s better to be black than gay because when you’re black you don’t have to tell your mother.

comedian, composer & lyricist

When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist

A quarter-ounce of chocolate = four pounds of fat.













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