Subject: Appearance

I’ve got a shirt for every day of the week… it’s blue.

American humorist & public speaker
Appearance Clothing

Falsies: A helpful aid to any girl in acquiring a disappointed husband.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

She's tall enough to go duck huntin' with a rake.

Appearance Body Expressions

Marty Noble: How come you’re wearing argyle socks?
Myers: I’m not. I got these at Woolworth’s.

professional baseball player
Appearance Clothing Misspokements

A quarter-ounce of chocolate = four pounds of fat.

Body Fat Murphy’s Laws

Hamper: A wicker container with a lid, usually surrounded by, but not containing, dirty clothing.

Clothing Definitions

Well, well, well. Look what the cat cleaned up, showered, exfoliated, powdered, lipsticked, Gucci’d and dragged in.

(1958 – ) American actress & singer
Appearance TV/Movie Quotes

Yes, darling, let me cover your face with kisses, on second thought, just let me cover your face.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Appearance Insults

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Body

Kilt: A costume sometimes worn by Scotchmen in America and Americans in Scotland.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
America Clothing Definitions Places

He's as big as a gorilla and as strong as a gorilla; if he was as smart as a gorilla he'd be fine.

college football coach
Animals Appearance Body Insults Intelligence

I burned 60 calories… that should take care of the peanut I ate in 1962.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Activities Body Exercise Fat

I recently had my annual physical examination, which I get once every seven years, and when the nurse weighed me, I was shocked to discover how much stronger the Earth's gravitational pull has become since 1990.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Appearance Body Fat Health

Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they’ve got nothing to lose.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Appearance Conflict Fights Individuals People Ugly

Not Open To People Be Sloppily Dressed

Appearance Clothing Translations

I have to work out like a tri-athlete just to maintain chubby.

comedian
Appearance Body Exercise Fat

The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.

Clothing Government Military Murphy’s Laws

I would love to speak a foreign language but I can't; so I grew hair under my arms instead.

stand-up comedian
Appearance Body Communication Hair Speech

If beauty is truth, why don’t women go to the library to have their hair done?

(1805 – 1864) English editor, novelist & sporting writer
Appearance People Truth Women

The youthful sparkle in his eyes is caused by his contact lenses, which he keeps highly polished.

(1904 – 1988) English-born American syndicated gossip columnist
Appearance Insults

After forty a woman has to choose between losing her figure or her face; my advice is to keep your face, and stay sitting down.

(1901 – 2000) English author
Age Appearance Women