Subject: Appearance

One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Anatomy: A class that sounds vaguely risqué until you find out what it really involves.

She is so fat… when she takes a shower her feet don't get wet.

All the men in my family are bald, and all the women are hunchbacked – and they don’t know we’re bald.

comedian

Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty.

Tattoo: Permanent proof of temporary insanity.

But he was the worst dresser in organized baseball; he made Inspector Clouseau look like a candidate for Mr. Blackwell's list of best-dressed men.

American baseball pitcher

All other things being equal, a bald man cannot be elected President of the United States.

Any girl can be glamorous… all you have to do is stand still and look stupid.

(1913 – 2000) Austrian-American actress, mathematician & inventor

It’s a great shock at the age of five or six to find that in a world of Gary Coopers you are the Indian.

(1924 – 1987) American novelist, writer, playwright, poet & civil rights activist

Nothing looks as good close up as it does from far away.

You can't even jump high enough to touch the rim, unless they put a Big Mac on it.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality

She could eat an apple through a picket fence.

It is only the shallow people who do not judge by appearance.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

Nancy Reagan fell down and broke her hair.

(1925 – 2005) television host

I actually thought about getting breast implants because I'm a radical, militant feminist and a hypocrite, it turns out.

(1970 – ) American stand-up comedian & voice actor

He’s even smaller in real life than he is on the track.

(1926 – ) English sports commentator

Beauty is only skin deep, and the world is full of thin skinned people.

(1906 – 1989) American poet & author

When I answer the door the kids hand ME candy.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

She’s so ugly… when she entered an ugly contest the judges said, "No professionals."

Figures Show It: Americans Putting On Those Pounds

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