Subject: Appearance » Body

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president

Damn your nose, madam… there’s no end to it!

(1727 – 1788) English painter

I don’t think George Clooney has a bathroom mirror, just a note taped to the wall that says “Don’t worry about it.”

comedian

Fingernails are for opening things and toenails are for storing precious minerals off the ground.

(1978 – ) American actress, writer & comedian

Reducing: Wishful shrinking.

Comparing Madonna with Marilyn Monroe is like comparing Raquel Welch with the back of a bus.

George Alan O'Dowd (1961 – ) British singer-songwriter

I hate thin people; “Oh, does the tampon make me look fat?”

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

He was a man of great statue.

If I want to wear my tits on my back, that’s my business!

(1946 – ) American recording artist, actress, director & record producer

I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

A bikini is like a barbed-wire fence… it protects the property without obstructing the view.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist

I don't know if you've ever lived with a pregnant woman before, but the whole time she's pregnant, she's walking around the house like, 'Oh my God, I gained 45 extra pounds, I sweat when I eat, and I vomit every morning,' and I'm like, 'No kidding…

stand-up comedian

John Conteh has a neck like a stately home staircase.

English boxer

Everything you see, I owe to spaghetti.

(1934 – ) Italian actress

His favorite exercise is climbing tall people.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

If someone told him to haul ass he'd have to make six trips.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

She is so fat… when she turns around, people throw her a welcome back party.

I speak two languages, Body and English.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

The other day, I got a henna tattoo that says “Forever.”

(1969 – ) comedian & actor

Silicone Treatment: The bust that money can buy.













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