Subject: Appearance » Body

If you have a pear shaped body, you should not wear pear colored clothes, or act juicy.

(1973 – ) American comedian

The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

She was short on intellect, but long on shape.

(1672 – 1719) English essasyist, poet & politician

Do I lift weights? … Sure, every time I stand up.

(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & actress

He's so fat his bathtub has stretch marks.

(1941 – ) American basketball executive

He is so fat… when he gets in an elevator, it has to go down.

She was so tall if she fell down she would be halfway home.

One out of every three Americans… weighs as much as the other two.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor

You know, you get that tattoo of barbed wire when you’re 18, but by the time you’re 80, it’s a picket fence.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf.

(1866 – 1946) English author

Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

He's so fat… when he goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.

The curve is more powerful than the sword.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes; then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts.

(1963 – ) television host & comedian

Paunch: A bulging trunk.

Thirty ways to shape up for summer — number one: eat less; number two: exercise more; number three… What was I talking about? … I’m so hungry right now.

(1970 – ) American stand-up comedian & voice actor

Comparing Madonna with Marilyn Monroe is like comparing Raquel Welch with the back of a bus.

George Alan O'Dowd (1961 – ) British singer-songwriter

That's like the Queen Mary losing a deck chair.

(1928 – 2001) American basketball coach

Cleavage: Something which excites disapproval in everyone but the audience.

My face looks like a wedding cake left out in the rain.


(1907 – 1973) poet & critic

Liposuction: A surgical procedure from which the patient emerges significantly lighter in both pounds and dollars.

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