Subject: Appearance » Clothing

If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.

Clothing Murphy’s Laws Ugly

Liz: Why are you wearing a tux?

Jack: It’s after 6 o’clock Lemon. What am I, a farmer?

(1958 – ) American actor & producer
Appearance Clothing TV/Movie Quotes

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Clothing Men People Women

The weirder you’re going to behave, the more normal you should look.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Appearance Clothing

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee; unfortunately, she was just coming home.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Clothing Sex Wives

If you wear a turtleneck and a backpack it’s like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Clothing

The robe is a lazy man's tuxedo.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Clothing

A crown is merely a hat that lets the rain in.

(1712 – 1786) King of Prussia
Appearance Clothing

I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don't have to.

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
Age Clothing Old

If I saw myself dressed like that, I'd have to kick my own ass.

(1966 – ) American actor, comedian, screenwriter & film producer
Appearance Clothing

You might be a redneck if… you've ever worn a tube-top to a funeral home.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Clothing People Rednecks

I’ve got a shirt for every day of the week… it’s blue.

American humorist & public speaker
Appearance Clothing

White pants should be worn on two occasions: One, never, and two, if you’re selling ice cream.

(1959 – ) American actor, stand-up comedian & television host
Appearance Clothing

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the Fruit-of-The-Loom guys laughing at me.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Clothing

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Appearance Clothing Science/Weather

A dress has no purpose unless it makes a man want to take it off.

(1935 – 2004) French playwright, novelist & screenwriter
Appearance Clothing

Arabs wear turbines on their heads.

Clothing Malaprops

When I see a man of shallow understanding extravagantly clothed, I feel sorry – for the clothes.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Clothing Insults Intelligence

Amanda: Why are you dressed like that? … Like you’re going to a funeral. Why are you dressed like somebody died?

Wednesday: Wait.

(1980 – ) American actress
Appearance Clothing TV/Movie Quotes

This shirt is “dry-clean only”… which means it’s dirty.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Clothing

You know you're getting fat when you go to unbutton the top of your pants – and you already did it.

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor, director & author
Appearance Body Clothing Fat