Subject: Appearance » Clothing

I think vests are all about protection; like a life vest protects you from drowning and bulletproof vests protect you from getting shot and the sweater vest protects you from pretty girls.

(1973 – ) American comedian

Probably the worst thing you can hear when you’re wearing a bikini is “Good for you!”


Chanel No. 5

(1926 – 1962) actress, sex symbol

"Play it as it lies" is one of the fundamental dictates of golf; the other is "Wear it if it clashes."

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)

A lady is one who never shows her underwear… unintentionally.

(1893 – 1991) novelist, biographer & playwright

I’ve never read an article of clothing.

(1973 – ) American comedian

Fishing is a delusion entirely surrounded by liars in old clothes.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor

Girdle: Accessory after the fat.

Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window; you may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.

(1922 – 2003) author & playwright

I’ve got a shirt for every day of the week… it’s blue.

American humorist & public speaker

You might be a redneck if… you work with a shirt off… and so does your husband.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

It is totally impossible to be well dressed in cheap shoes.

(1909 – 2003) English fashion designer

Never in the history of fashion has so little material been raised so high to reveal so much that needs to be covered so badly.

(1904 – 1980) English photographer, interior, stage & costume designer

Underwear: An article of clothing which, when kept clean, ensures the wearer will never have an accident.

A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together.

(1925 – 2010) American humorist & writer

My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic

I think one reason they cal them Relaxed Fit jeans is that Ass the Size of Texas jeans would not sell very well.

The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.

novelist, screenwriter & businessman

If it says “one size fits all,” it doesn’t fit anyone.

You know how embarrassing it is to walk with a girl on a first date and see somebody with the same shirt as you on – and they homeless?

American stand-up comedian













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