Subject: Appearance » Clothing (Page 3)

Don't give a woman advice; one should never give a woman anything she can't wear in the evening.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

You know the message you’re sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You’re telling the world, ‘I give up.’

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor

Sarong: A simple garment carrying the implicit promise that it will not long stay in place.

Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist

The last time a straight man worked in the fashion industry, we got a fanny pack.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian, television host, actress, & author

Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

(1921 – 1984) British comedian & magician

I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don't have to.

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist

T-shirts that get you out of jury duty will not get you through air port security.

(1956 – ) American comedian

A tie would make a stronger impression on your boss if you used it as a blindfold and kidnapped him.

(1982 – ) American author

Sweater: Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Hamper: A wicker container with a lid, usually surrounded by, but not containing, dirty clothing.

The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

If you don’t want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.

novelist, screenwriter & businessman

Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at bowling alleys.

American comedian

Hat: Something the average man covers his head with, the beggar passes around, the statesman throws into the ring, and the politician talks through.

The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.

It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blowing off.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

I got some new underwear the other day… well, new to me.

(1956 – ) American comedian

There were times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.

(1900 – 1967) American film actor