Subject: Appearance » Fat

You'll always feel good about your body when you go there – no matter what your body is – because there's always someone there who weighs 350 pounds more than you'll ever weigh.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright

You know you're getting fat when you can pinch an inch on your forehead.

comedian

A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

(1953 – ) comedian, political commentator and television & radio personality

No matter what I do, I cannot lose this 18 pounds… I mean I have tried everything short of diet and exercise.

American stand-up comedian

Little things start to change in your life — like your socks start to get tight.

(1953 – ) American comedian & actor

Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out of sight of women.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

If you can’t tell the difference between a spoon and a ladle, then you’re fat.

(1973 – ) American comedian

She’s so big, it takes two men and a boy just to look at her.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws… only catapults.

(1973 – ) American comedian

She is so fat… she can't even jump to conclusions.

I hate thin people; “Oh, does the tampon make me look fat?”

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

Outside every fat man there is an even fatter man trying to close in.

(1922 – 1995) English novelist & poet

If you told her to haul butt, she would have to make two trips.

The meal is not over when I'm full – the meal is over when I hate myself.

Louis Szekely (1967 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & director

He's so fat… when he goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.

Nowadays, a balanced diet is when every McNugget weighs the same!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Eddie: In this body there is a thin person dying to get out.

Gran: Just the one dear?

(1925 – ) English actress

He's so fat his bathtub has stretch marks.

(1941 – ) American basketball executive

If you're going to dedicate your career to ranting about the excesses of American capitalism, you probably shouldn't weigh 450 pounds.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality

1. Fat expands to fill any apparel worn.
2. A fat person walks in the middle of the hall.

It is my theory you can't get rid of fat… all you can do is move it around, like furniture.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist













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