Subject: Appearance » Fat

My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese… as if she doesn’t have enough on her plate.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor

The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist

Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

I burned 60 calories… that should take care of the peanut I ate in 1962.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

He is so fat… he can't even jump to a conclusion.

Had double chins all the way down to his stomach.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

I love that black dress; that neckline is plunging faster than Aretha Franklin’s head into a bucket of fried chicken.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

I am not overweight; I fluctuate between chubby and curvy!

(1979 – ) American actress, comedian & writer

I had a girlfriend that was so fat she had a dress with a sign on the back saying… Caution Wide Load.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Blubber Island

Outside every fat man there is an even fatter man trying to close in.

(1922 – 1995) English novelist & poet

She’s so fat it takes two dogs to bark at her.

I recently had my annual physical examination, which I get once every seven years, and when the nurse weighed me, I was shocked to discover how much stronger the Earth's gravitational pull has become since 1990.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

Eddie: In this body there is a thin person dying to get out.

Gran: Just the one dear?

(1925 – ) English actress

She is so fat… when she was a kid she could only play seek.

I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Edible underwear?… even during sex, we can't stop eating.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality

It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.

(1943 – ) English rock singer

Muscles come and go; flab lasts.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor

I thought to myself, join the army… it’s free; so I figured while I’m here I’ll lose a few pounds… I’m going to walk out of here a Lean, Mean, Fightin’ Machine!

(1950 – 1994) Canadian actor & comedian

Nowadays, a balanced diet is when every McNugget weighs the same!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine













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