Subject: Appearance » Fat

She is so fat… she broke the family tree.

I tried cocaine to lose weight… it just made me eat faster.

(1953 – ) American comedian & actor

You know your girlfriend is getting fat when she can fit into your wife's clothes.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian

As soon as they get married, they all get these big old guts on them; that's not from drinking beer – that's from swallowing pride.

stand-up comedian

He is so fat… when he ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.

I don’t want to lose weight; my tongue and my taste buds are the only friends I got.

American stand-up comedian

My girlfriend was so fat her clothes were made by Omar the tent maker.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

There's a new slimming course just out where they remove all your bones; not only do you weigh less, but you also look so much more relaxed.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor

When it comes to eating, you can sometimes help yourself more by helping yourself less.

(1906 – 1989) American poet & author

The most dangerous thing about American food?… the portions.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host

I recently had my annual physical examination, which I get once every seven years, and when the nurse weighed me, I was shocked to discover how much stronger the Earth's gravitational pull has become since 1990.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

Outside every fat man there is an even fatter man trying to close in.

(1922 – 1995) English novelist & poet

If someone told him to haul ass he'd have to make six trips.

I don't know if you've ever lived with a pregnant woman before, but the whole time she's pregnant, she's walking around the house like, 'Oh my God, I gained 45 extra pounds, I sweat when I eat, and I vomit every morning,' and I'm like, 'No kidding…

stand-up comedian

As a matter of fact, I'm glad my skin is dark, because if I was a white girl, I would look 10 pounds heavier.

(1971 – ) American comedian & actress

He is so fat… in the summer he can sell shade.

Outside every thin woman is a fat man trying to get in.

(1928 – ) British journalist, writer & columnist

You know you're getting fat when you can pinch an inch on your forehead.

comedian

Buster Douglas went to bed as a 231-pound world champion and woke up as a 270-pound parade float.

American sports columnist

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws… only catapults.

(1973 – ) American comedian

I burned 60 calories… that should take care of the peanut I ate in 1962.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer













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