Subject: Appearance » Fat (Page 3)

She's so fat… when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.

Tact is the art of telling someone to lose thirty pounds without ever using the word “fat.”

Buster Douglas went to bed as a 231-pound world champion and woke up as a 270-pound parade float.

American sports columnist

Is that your wife? … Oh, well, keep your chin up.

(1926 – 2017) American stand-up comedian & actor

When you’re a fat kid, you only get to be two things… funny and goalie.

(1980 – ) Canadian writer, comedian & political activist

You always know when he's ready for sex, ’cause naked, he looked like one of them butterball turkeys with the little pop-up timer.

Lisa Lampanelli (1961 – ) American stand-up comedian

It is my theory you can't get rid of fat… all you can do is move it around, like furniture.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist

Smoking cures weight problems… eventually.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Why doesn’t the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?


I was not a particularly small child; I was the one who always got picked to play Bethlehem in the school play.

(1957 – ) British stand-up comedian

Obesity: A surplus gone to waist.

A waist is a terrible thing to mind.

I’m so fat and I’m so depressed; last night I tried to hang myself – but the rope broke.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

She is so fat… when she turns around, people throw her a welcome back party.

Some men climb mountains, others date ‘em!

(1944 – ) American actor, director & producer

I don’t know why I should even bother to eat this. I should just apply it directly to my hips.

(1939 – ) American actress

I’ve got a slight weight problem… I went to this doctor. Well, he told me I swallow a lot of aggression… along with a lot of pizzas!

(1950 – 1994) Canadian actor & comedian

She is so fat… she broke the family tree.

If you're going to dedicate your career to ranting about the excesses of American capitalism, you probably shouldn't weigh 450 pounds.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality

My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese… as if she doesn’t have enough on her plate.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor

I said to my girlfriend, you shouldn’t eat before you swim; she said, ‘why not? ’ I said, ‘you look fat.'

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor