Subject: Appearance (Page 2)

1. Fat expands to fill any apparel worn.
2. A fat person walks in the middle of the hall.

Women’s styles may change, but their designs remain the same.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

Hot Pants: Breeches of promise.

I knew I was going bald when it was taking longer and longer to wash my face.

(1964 – ) English comedian, author & television presenter

I ain’t afraid to die fat… that’s my pallbearers’ worry.


My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war… just a greater emphasis on military apparel.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer

He looks like King Edward – the potato, not the monarch.

British satirist, comedian, writer, broadcaster and editor

I was not a particularly small child; I was the one who always got picked to play Bethlehem in the school play.

(1957 – ) British stand-up comedian

Silicone Treatment: The bust that money can buy.

But he was the worst dresser in organized baseball; he made Inspector Clouseau look like a candidate for Mr. Blackwell's list of best-dressed men.

American baseball pitcher

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it’s open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

You’re prettier than a spotted heifer in a pansy patch!

Seamstress: 250 pounds in a size 6.

Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

I’ve lost seven pounds this week… or, as my girlfriend calls it, ‘the baby’.

British comedian & emcee

I don’t look older, I just look worse.

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer

Anatomy: A class that sounds vaguely risqué until you find out what it really involves.

Don't give a woman advice; one should never give a woman anything she can't wear in the evening.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

I belong to a gym now… well, let me rephrase that: I don't belong there at all, but I go.

(1969 – ) American stand-up comedian

The best reason I can think of for not running for President of the United States is that you have to shave twice a day.

(1900 – 1965) diplomat & Democratic politician

If I want to wear my tits on my back, that’s my business!

(1946 – ) American recording artist, actress, director & record producer