Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, proverbs, Murphy's Laws & more
Home
About
Categories
Activities
Age
Animals
Appearance
Beliefs
Characteristics
Communication
Conflict
Death
Education
Emotions
Entertainment
Family
Food/Drink
Government
Health
Intelligence
Life
Marriage
Miscellaneous
Money
People
Places
Problems
Relationships
Science/Weather
Sex
Situations
Sports
Success
Things
Time
Work
Additional Categories
Book Titles
Confucius say
Definitions
Epitaphs
Exaggerations
Expressions
Hollywood Squares
Insults
Last Words
Murphy's Laws
Place Names
Proverbs
Reviews/Criticism
Song Titles
Tom Swifties
TV/Movie Quotes
Oops...
Bushisms
Church Bulletins
Classified Ads
Colemanballs
Headlines
Malaprops
Misspokements
Signs
Translations
Yogi-isms
Some Popular Authors
Abraham Lincoln
Alfred E. Neuman
Ambrose Bierce
Benjamin Franklin
Dave Barry
Demetri Martin
Dorothy Parker
Emo Phillips
George Carlin
Groucho Marx
H.L. Mencken
Homer Simpson
Jeff Foxworthy
Jimmy Carr
Joan Rivers
Mae West
Mark Twain
Mitch Hedberg
Oscar Wilde
Phyllis Diller
Richard Lewis
Rita Rudner
Rodney Dangerfield
Steven Wright
Stewart Francis
W.C. Fields
Will Rogers
Woody Allen
View All Authors
Subject:
Appearance
(Page 2)
1. Fat expands to fill any apparel worn.2. A fat person walks in the middle of the hall.
Livingston's Laws of Fat
Appearance
Body
Fat
Murphy’s Laws
Women’s styles may change, but their designs remain the same.
Oscar Wilde
(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Appearance
Clothing
People
Women
Fashion
Intent
Hot Pants: Breeches of promise.
Anonymous
Appearance
Clothing
Definitions
Hot pants
I knew I was going bald when it was taking longer and longer to wash my face.
Harry Hill
(1964 – ) English comedian, author & television presenter
Appearance
Body
Hair
Bald
I ain’t afraid to die fat… that’s my pallbearers’ worry.
Lavell Crawford
Appearance
Death
Fat
My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war… just a greater emphasis on military apparel.
Roseanne Barr
(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Clothing
Conflict
Government
Military
War
Homosexuals
He looks like King Edward – the potato, not the monarch.
Ian Hislop
British satirist, comedian, writer, broadcaster and editor
Appearance
Insults
King Edward
Potatoes
I was not a particularly small child; I was the one who always got picked to play Bethlehem in the school play.
‘Jo’ Brand
(1957 – ) British stand-up comedian
Age
Appearance
Fat
Self
Silicone Treatment: The bust that money can buy.
Anonymous
Appearance
Body
Definitions
Silicone Treatment
But he was the worst dresser in organized baseball; he made Inspector Clouseau look like a candidate for Mr. Blackwell's list of best-dressed men.
Bill Lee
American baseball pitcher
Appearance
Basketball
Clothing
Sports
Of Carl Yastremski
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it’s open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
Dave Barry
(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Appearance
Clothing
Golf
People
Religion
Sports
Protestants
You’re prettier than a spotted heifer in a pansy patch!
Anonymous
Appearance
Expressions
Cute
Pretty
Seamstress: 250 pounds in a size 6.
Anonymous
Appearance
Definitions
Fat
Seamstress
Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
Anonymous
Appearance
Body
Language
Feet
Nose
I’ve lost seven pounds this week… or, as my girlfriend calls it, ‘the baby’.
Maff Brown
British comedian & emcee
Appearance
Body
Weight
I don’t look older, I just look worse.
John Mulaney
(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
Age
Appearance
Body
Old
Anatomy: A class that sounds vaguely risqué until you find out what it really involves.
Anonymous
Body
Definitions
Education
School
Anatomy
Don't give a woman advice; one should never give a woman anything she can't wear in the evening.
Oscar Wilde
(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Clothing
People
Women
Advice
I belong to a gym now… well, let me rephrase that: I don't belong there at all, but I go.
Ted Alexandro
(1969 – ) American stand-up comedian
Appearance
Body
Fitness
Gyms
The best reason I can think of for not running for President of the United States is that you have to shave twice a day.
Adlai E. Stevenson
(1900 – 1965) diplomat & Democratic politician
America
Appearance
Government
Places
President
Shaving
If I want to wear my tits on my back, that’s my business!
Cher
(1946 – ) American recording artist, actress, director & record producer
Appearance
Body
Self
On cosmetic surgery
Page 2 of 54
« Previous
1
2
3
4
5
Next »
Last »