Subject: Appearance (Page 3)

He's so fat his bathtub has stretch marks.

(1941 – ) American basketball executive
Appearance Body Fat Insults

Getting old is when a narrow waist and a broad mind change places!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Age Appearance Body Old

Skeleton: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

Body Definitions

A gentleman never strikes a lady with his hat on.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Clothing Men People Women

Human beings are seventy percent water, and with some the rest is collagen.

(1943 – ) comedian & actor
Appearance Body People

Relax, Georgie, I'm just making my collar and cuffs match.

(1908 – 1942) American actress
Appearance Body

Bikini: Baiting Suit.

Clothing Definitions

Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Fat Insults

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor
Body Mothers Science/Weather

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs Clothing Things

I was not a particularly small child; I was the one who always got picked to play Bethlehem in the school nativity.

(1957 – ) British stand-up comedian
Appearance Body

I look like I was sent for and couldn’t go.

Appearance

When you’re gay every party is a bad sweater party.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Clothing

He is so ugly… the psychiatrist makes him lie face down.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

She’s so ugly she makes onions cry.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

I was so ugly that my parents sent my picture to Ripley’s Believe It or Not: they sent it back and said, “We don’t believe it.”

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Body Ugly

I’m so black, I leave fingerprints on coal.

(1957 – 2008) American comedian & actor
Appearance

I eat like a vulture… unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Appearance Eating Food/Drink

Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Appearance Insults

A tie would make a stronger impression on your boss if you used it as a blindfold and kidnapped him.

(1982 – ) American author
Appearance Clothing Situations

If someone told him to haul ass he'd have to make six trips.

Appearance Body Expressions Fat