Subject: Appearance (Page 4)

She is so fat… when she turns around, people throw her a welcome back party.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Horses just naturally have Mohawk haircuts.


Animals Appearance

You know you’re getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don’t know anyone who can see through it.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Age Clothing Old

I once went out with this girl, she was no bargain either, she showed up with pigtails under her arms.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Dating Hair

The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Appearance People

All women tennis players should go on their knees in thankfulness to Suzanne Lenglen for delivering them from the tyranny of corsets.

American professional tennis player
Appearance Clothing Sports

They say an actor is only as good as his parts; well, my parts have done me pretty well, darling.

(1937 – ) English actress
Acting Appearance Body Entertainment

I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Clothing Sex Wives

I never put on a pair of shoes until I’ve worn them at least five years.

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Appearance Clothing Misspokements Time

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Appearance Family Relationships

I’ve seen some players with very big feet, and some with very small feet.

English football player, manager & sports commentator
Appearance Body

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance People Self

I’d like to borrow [Cassius] Clay’s body for 48 hours. There are three guys I’d like to beat up and four women I’d like to make love to.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter
Appearance Body Boxing Sports

Merely because the group is in formation does not mean that the group is on the right course.

Appearance Murphy’s Laws

I now consider it a good day when I don’t step on my boobs.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Age Appearance Body Old

Fingernails are for opening things and toenails are for storing precious minerals off the ground.

(1978 – ) American actress, writer & comedian
Appearance Body

All women dress like their mothers, that is their tragedy; no man ever does, that is his.

English author, actor, humorist & playwright
Appearance Clothing Men People Women

My husband said he wanted to have a relationship with a redhead, so I dyed my hair.

(1937 – ) American actress, writer, political activist, & fitness exponent
Appearance Hair

His favorite exercise is climbing tall people.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Appearance Body Insults

She’s a tall drink of water.

Appearance Body Expressions

Never try to guess your wife's size. Just buy her anything marked ‘petite’ and hold on to the receipt.

Appearance Body Clothing Murphy’s Laws Shopping