Subject: Appearance (Page 51)

I think one reason they cal them Relaxed Fit jeans is that Ass the Size of Texas jeans would not sell very well.

Appearance Clothing

He is so short… he poses for trophies.

Appearance Body Exaggerations

The longer I practice medicine the more convinced I am there are only two types of cases: those that involve taking the trousers off and those that don’t.

English author, actor, humorist & playwright
Clothing Doctors Health

The body of a young woman is God's greatest achievement; of course He could have made it to last longer, but you can't have everything.

(1927 – 2018) playwright & screenwriter
Appearance Body People Women

When I die, I’m leaving my body to science fiction.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Body Death People Self

So what if they're taller? We'll play big.

college basketball coach
Appearance Basketball Body Sports

I’m so ugly – my father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Children Family Fathers Ugly

She spends her day powdering her face till she looks like a bled pig.

(1864 –1945) Anglo-Scottish socialite, author & wit
Appearance Body Insults

The only person who ever left the Iron Curtain wearing it.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Clothing Insults

The only really firm rule of taste about cross dressing is that neither sex should ever wear anything they haven’t yet figured out how to go to the bathroom in.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Appearance Clothing

I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don't have to.

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
Age Clothing Old

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Eating Food/Drink Mothers Ugly

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor
Body Mothers Science/Weather

Underneath this flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Appearance Body Characteristics Fat

I would love to speak a foreign language but I can't; so I grew hair under my arms instead.

stand-up comedian
Appearance Body Communication Hair Speech

This guy's tough. He had a face that looked like it'd hold two days of rain.

Los Angeles Dodgers’ manager
Appearance Baseball Sports

When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Activities Appearance Travel

I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb… and I also know that I’m not blonde.

(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & actress
Appearance Characteristics Intelligence

Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Appearance Clothing

Wrinkles: Something other people have… you have character lines.

Appearance Body Definitions

I met this cowboy with a brown paper hat, paper waistcoat and paper trousers… he was wanted for rustling.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Appearance Clothing Situations