Subject: Appearance » Ugly

If you have to release bad news to the public, it would help if you are not ugly.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

He’s so ugly his mother had to borrow a baby to take to church.

I'd hire her to haunt a house!

I’m so ugly – my father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

He had better get married soon, because he's getting uglier every day!

Canadian hockey player

Aunt Esther: Who you calling ugly, sucker?

Fred: I’m calling you ugly, I could push our face in some dough and make gorilla cookies.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian

She is so ugly… when she was born, the doctor slapped the wrong end.

Receiving oral sex from an ugly person is like rock climbing; you should never look down.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

We were making love and I took the bag off my head.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

She is so ugly… when she gets up, the sun goes down.

I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

I’m callin’ you ugly, I could stick yo face in some dough and make some gorilla cookies.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian

When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

She is so ugly… when she goes swimming the tide goes out.

Ugly as a moose chewin ice

I went to the doctor and said, “Doc, every morning when I wake up and look in the mirror, I throw up. What’s wrong?” The doctor said, “I don’t know, but your eyesight is perfect.”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

He is so ugly… robbers give him their masks to wear.

This girl was ugly. They used her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they’ve got nothing to lose.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

She looks better goin than comin!

She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
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