Subject: Beliefs

Finally, a guy who says what people who aren’t thinking are thinking.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian

One should never trust a woman who tells one her real age.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

The truth is rarely pure and never simple.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

I would not want Jimmy Carter and his men in charge of snake control in Ireland.

(1916 – 2005) American politician & poet

Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child; just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.

(1932 – 2009) author, poet & critic

Telling lies is a fault in a boy, an art in a lover, an accomplishment in a bachelor, and second-nature in a married man.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist

Advertising is the art of making whole lies out of half truths.

I have opinions of my own – strong opinions – but I don’t always agree with them.

(1924 – ) 41st U.S. president

The one prediction that never comes true is, “You’ll thank me for telling you this.”

(1938 – ) journalist, columnist (Miss Manners)

I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.

(1932 – ) comedian, social activist, critic & writer

Acting is all about honesty and if you can fake that, you've got it made.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

It is always the best policy to speak the truth…` unless, of course you are an exceptionally good liar.

(1859 – 1927) English writer

It is not enough to be abstinent with other people, you also have to be abstinent alone; the Bible says that lust in your heart is committing adultery…. you can’t masturbate without lust!

(1969 – ) U.S. Representative (Delaware)

I wish God were alive to see this.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Truth is stranger than fiction; fiction has to make sense.

(1908 – 1997) German-born teacher, academic & humorist

Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions; conservatives feel they deserve everything they’ve stolen.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor

One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

A church steeple with a lightning rod on top shows a lack of confidence.

(1959 – ) Australian writer & television producer
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