Subject: Beliefs » God

God is not on the side of the big battalions, but on the side of those who shoot best.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

Why should I talk to you?… I've just been talking to your boss.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter

What can you say about a society that says that God is dead and Elvis is alive?

(1912 – 2003) newspaper columnist

Church: Man’s effort to keep a roof over God’s head.

If God had intended us to go around naked, He would have made us that way.

Sex is God's joke on human beings.

(1908 – 1989) American actress of film, television & theater

If God Loves Me, Why Can’t I Get My Locker Open?

Man is Creation’s masterpiece; but who says so?

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher

If we were truly created by God, then why do we still occasionally bite the insides of our own mouths?

(1972 – ) Irish comedian & television presenter

The pug is living proof that God has a sense of humor.

(1954 – 2000) humorist, writer & radio commentator

I think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

In the beginning there was nothing and God said ‘Let there be light,’ and there was still nothing, but everybody could see it.

(1949 – ) Canadian comedian & actor

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.

(1926 – ) film director, screenwriter, composer, comedian, actor & producer

In view of the fact that God limited the intelligence of man, it seems unfair that He did not also limit his stupidity.

(1876 – 1967) German statesman

I take him shopping with me… I say, 'OK, Jesus, help me find a bargain.'

(1942 – 2007) American televangelist (was married to Jim Bakker)

There are no atheists in foxholes.

(1828-1882) English poet, illustrator, painter & translator

The only thing God didn't do to Job was give him a computer.

(1907 – 1989) American writer

If you’re caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron; not even God can hit a 1-iron.

(1942 – ) American professional golfer

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author