Subject: Beliefs » God

God may choose to heal someone from cancer, yet that person still has a great deal of medical bills; the outstanding bills do not determine whether or not the patient has been healed by God.

(1969 – ) U.S. Representative (Delaware)

It only rains straight down… God doesn't do windows.

There are no atheists in foxholes.

(1828-1882) English poet, illustrator, painter & translator

I wish God were alive to see this.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

If you call on God to improve the results of a shot while it is still in motion, you are using “an outside agency” and subject to appropriate penalties under the rules of golf.

British golf writer & commentator

If God, as some now say, is dead, He no doubt died of trying to find an equitable solution to the Arab-Jewish problem.

(1907 – 1989) American writer

If God had intended us to go around naked, He would have made us that way.

It is impossible to believe that the same God who permitted His own son to die a bachelor regards celibacy as an actual sin.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

God heals and the doctor takes the fee.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

God enters into each individual by a private door… and sometimes that can prove to be quite painful.

(1933 – ) American disc jockey & television host

War is God's way of teaching us geography.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Sex is God's joke on human beings.

(1908 – 1989) American actress of film, television & theater

Some people say there is a God; others say there is no God; the truth probably lies somewhere in between.

(1865 – 1939) Irish poet & politician

In the first place God made idiots; that was for practice; then he made school boards.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor

If God wanted us to believe in him, he’d exist.

(1958 – 2006) English radio performer, stand-up comic & writer

If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host

In view of the fact that God limited the intelligence of man, it seems unfair that He did not also limit his stupidity.

(1876 – 1967) German statesman

Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

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