Subject: Beliefs » God (Page 4)

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

I read the Book of Job last night; I don’t think God comes out of it well.

(1882 – 1941) English writer

Men don't get cellulite — God might just be a man.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

God heals and the doctor takes the fee.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

The difference between God and the historians consists above all in the fact that God cannot alter the past.

(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist

God will pardon me… it is His trade.

(1797 – 1856) German critic & poet

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

God don't make no mistakes… that's how He got to be God.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

I’m an Atheist… thank God.

(1936 – 2005) Irish comedian

If I’m on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast… if God wants to play through, let him.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

An atheist is one who hopes the Lord will do nothing to disturb his disbelief.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist

Good God, how much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth-decay in His divine system of creation?

(1923 – 1999) American satirical novelist, short story writer & playwright

Church: Man’s effort to keep a roof over God’s head.

The only thing wrong with being an atheist is that there's nobody to talk to during an orgasm.

God is in my head, but the devil is in my pants.

(1925 – 2013) comedian & actor

I was working on a flat tax proposal and accidentally proved there was no God.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

If you’re caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron; not even God can hit a 1-iron.

(1942 – ) American professional golfer

God always has another custard pie up His sleeve.

(1943 – 2010) English actress

The only thing God didn't do to Job was give him a computer.

(1907 – 1989) American writer

I’ll tell you what’s unnatural in the eyes of God… contact lenses.

(1971 – ) British comedian

And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on Me; and let there be lawyers so people don't blame everything on Satan.’

Canadian comedian & author