Subject: Beliefs (Page 3)

Megachurches – I can’t be the only one frightened when our houses of worship sound like they could take on Godzilla.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian

The missionaries go forth to Christianize the savages – as if the savages weren't dangerous enough already.

(1927 – 1989) author, essayist & environmentalist

It only rains straight down… God doesn't do windows.


Suicide is man's way of telling God, "You can't fire me – I quit."

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator

It’s easier to fool people than to convince them they’ve been fooled.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

People everywhere confuse what they read in newspapers with news.

(1904 – 1963) American journalist

An exaggeration is a truth that has lost its temper.

(1883 – 1931) Lebanese-American artist, poet & writer

I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.

(1932 – 2017) comedian, social activist, critic & writer

The correct advice to give is the advice that is desired.

The critic has to educate the public; the artist has to educate the critic.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

The tombstone is about the only thing that can stand upright and lie on its face at the same time.

(1880 – ?) American author

Frankly, I’m suspicious of anyone who has a strong opinion on a complicated issue.

(1957 – ) cartoonist (Dilbert)

A conservative is someone who makes no changes and consults his grandmother when in doubt.

(1856 – 1924) 28th U.S. president & politician

Jerry Ford is so dumb that he can't fart and chew gum at the same time.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president

Following the path of least resistance is what makes men and rivers crooked.

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' – probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Don't pay any attention to the critics; don't even ignore them.

(1879 – 1974) film producer

The stopwatch has stopped. It's up to God and the referee now. The referee is Pat Horan. God is God.

Irish Gaelic games commentator

One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

A young man is a theory, an old man is a fact.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor

If people wanted your unsolicited advice, they’d ask for it.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine