Subject: Beliefs (Page 4)

I would not want Jimmy Carter and his men in charge of snake control in Ireland.

(1916 – 2005) American politician & poet

Statistics are no substitute for common sense.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

I hear [soccer player] Glenn Hoddle has found God; that must have been one hell of a pass.

(Robert Norman Davis) (1945 – ) British comedian & actor

Absurdity: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

When a man tells me he’s going to put all his cards on the table, I always look up his sleeve.

(1893 – 1957) British politician

My church accepts all denominations – fivers, tenners, twenties.

(1936 – 2005) Irish comedian

Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator

Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.

How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg?… Four; calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing… if you can fake that, you’ve got it made.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Nobody outside of a baby carriage or a judge’s chamber believes in an unprejudiced point of view.

(1905 –1984) American playwright

Game shows are designed to make us feel better about the random, useless facts that are all we have left of our education.

(1962 – ) writer & journalist

The only thing that stops God sending a second Flood is that the first one was useless.

(1741 – 1794) French writer

He is a modest little man who has a good deal to be modest about.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator

It's interesting to speculate how it developed that in two of the most anti-feminist institutions, the church and the law court, the men are wearing the dresses.

(1916 – 2000) American lawyer & activist

I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist

Church is only society on earth that exists for the benefit of non-members.

(1881–1944) Archbishop of Canterbury

If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist

Just unfollowed the Pope for the second time in my life.

(1973 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actor, director & producer

There's one way to find out if a man is honest – ask him… if he says, “Yes,” you know he is a crook.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host